翻译: 王一流先生 Meya Mr.NoWit 小清欣 小萌
校对: 阿瞢 跳街居委会斯基 可爱多
后期: Nico
压制: 阿眸 lobo
前情提要 Previously on 21 Jump Street.
你他妈就一个书呆子 You're a fucking nerd.
小伙子 你能毕业就已经是万幸了 Boy, you lucky you even graduating.
操 Fuck!
- 你挺擅长这个的嘛 - 是啊 - You're good at this, huh? - Yeah.
- 你挺擅长这个的嘛 - 是啊 - You're really good at this. - Yeah.
嗨 想交个朋友吗 Hey, you want to be friends?
你那把没上膛吧 Yours isn't loaded, right?
- 就摸它一下 - 我好害怕的 - Just touch it. - I'm scared.
就摸一下 Just touch it.
- 我说真的 - 行了 行了 行了 - Seriously. - All right, all right, all right.
你为我挡了子弹 伙计 You took a bullet for me, man.
你射中了我的屌啊 You shot me in the dick!
嘿哟 小混蛋们 Boom, motherfuckers!
你们两个混球要去上大学了 You two sons of bitches are going to college!
"阴"的特点是柔缓而被动 Yin is characterized as slow, soft, passive
并经常与水和女性联系在一起 and is associated with water and femininity.
然而 "阳"恰好相反 是迅猛和坚固 While, Yang, by contrast, is fast and solid and...
伙计 这些真他妈扯淡 Man, this is BS.
我还以为要去上真正的大学 I thought we were going to actual college,
不是在线大学 not online college.
就只是从教授讲的课里获取加密信息 Listening for coded messages in lectures.
你说什么呢 What are you talking about?
看看周围 Look around.
这是我们的城市 This is our city.
上大学对我们有什么意义 What do we want to be in college for?
你说得没错 You're right.
终生搭档 Partners for life.
新都城港湾会在早上十点半涨潮 At Metro city port, the tide comes in at 10:30 A.M.
然后潮就退回去了 Then it will return to the sea.
新都城港湾 一个小时后 Metro port. One hour.
*你在拒绝什么* *Turn down for what*
DJ Snake feat. Lil Jon - Turn Down For What
大干一场吧 let's do this.
*你在拒绝什么* *Turn down for what*
惊喜吧 这还有两条胳膊(武器)呢 Surprise. There's two more arms.
*你在拒绝什么* *Turn down for what*
- 妈的 那就是幽魂 - "幽魂" - Shit! That's the ghost. - The ghost?
Joste Nillsen Joste Nillsen,
新都城最大的违法商贩 biggest trafficker of illegal goods in Metro city.
他和一个墨西哥团伙结盟 He teamed up with a Mexican cartel
在这港湾上胡作非为 and they're running all this shit through the port.
我们应该买什么玩意来着 What the hell are we supposed to be buying?
我不知道 I don't know.
- 你干嘛呢 - 什么 - What are you doing? - Huh?
我的新身份是杀手 I got a new identity that's gonna be killer.
我需要你帮我演得更像一些 I'll be throwing it to you to make it legit.
好吧 Okay.
我需要你即兴来一段 成吗 I'm gonna need you to improvise. Okay?
我不想即兴表演 I don't want to improvise.
我需要你去即兴表演 I'm gonna need you to improvise.
我即兴演得一塌糊涂 我不想干这个 I suck at improvising. I don't want to do it.
我在融入角色时需要绝对的安静 I need absolute silence while I fall into character.
你能不能给我起个头 Can you give me a head start on...
我需要绝对的 我需要绝对的安静 I need absolute... I need absolute silence.
- 你能不能 - 绝对的安静 - Can you please... - Absolute silence.
你他妈这是当真吗 Are you fucking serious right now?
好了 我讨厌迟到的人 All right. I hate people who are late.
(西班牙语)
我们得看到那个货 We're trying to see that product.
靠 Shit!
你不是Sleepy吗 最近怎么样啊 You're Sleepy! What's up, homie?
你知道 我侄子 那个可怜的男孩 You know, my cousin, sad boy.
我觉得你认错人了 兄弟 I think you got the wrong guy, homes.
别扯淡啦伙计 你就是Sleepy Oh, that's bullshit, man! You are Sleepy!
咱辖区里的人都扯 Everyone say in the barrio,
"Sleepy是墨西哥版金刚狼"啥的 "Sleepy, he like the Mexican Wolverine" And shit.
我的这个搭档 他想看看货 Hey, my partner here, he want to see the product.
他为什么不说话 Why ain't he talking?
俺的名字似Jeff My name is Jeff.
那是Jeffe呀 伙计 That's Jeffe, man.
给他们讲讲Mousie的成人礼啊 Tell 'em about mousie's quinceanera, man.
给他们讲讲你们哥几个的奇妙历险 Tell 'em about that crazy adventure you guys had.
俺搞不懂你在说啥 I don't know what you're talking about.
哎哟 你昨晚还讲来着呢 Oh, man, when you were telling the story last night,
讲得还特别细致入微呢 you had so much detail!
细致入微哟 各种细节呢 The detail was so rich! It was rich detail!
赶紧讲讲你那个细致入微的故事 Go into incredibly descriptive details
让我们的大家都听听啊 of the story, so we all know.
喔 好的吧 Oh, yes.
当时有Dora Diego It was Dora and Diego
和Swiper and Swiper.
Swiper Swiper?
被你搞死的那个人叫什么来着 Who was that you choked out, man?
他就是活该 他是谁来着 He had it coming! Who was that?
Boots Boots.
才不是Boots呢 Boots又不是真名 No, man, that wasn't boots! Boots isn't a real name!
你得给他们讲那个原味的故事呀 You got to tell them the real story, man.
从头开始吧 Start over from the top.
那名字根本就是瞎编的 That's a made-up name.
我最近居然得和这些傻逼打交道 I can't believe the punks I have to deal with these days.
真让人不禁怀念起90年的时候 It really makes me miss the '90s,
那时候咱们还有点懂行的人 when we had professionals around.
你想验货吗 You want to check out the goods?
去验货吧 Check it out.
把嘴闭上 好不 And shut up. Right?
这"外国佬"是哪找来的啊 Where'd you find this gringo, man?
gringo 拉美人对英美等外国人的蔑称
蒙福之子的蛋疼演唱会上吗 At the fucking Mumford & Sons concert and shit?
Mumford & Sons 一支来自伦敦的民谣摇滚乐队
是什么东西 枪吗 毒品吗 What is it? Guns? Drugs?
不 不 No! No!
哥们 这东西恶心死啦 Dude! It's gross!
这东西在往我嘴里喷墨啊 It's inking in my mouth!
我来扯他下去 I'll get it off.
它的触手在咬我啊 Its tentacle is eating me!
- 它太强壮了 - 抓得还挺紧 - It's so strong! - It's really on there, man.
它在咬我的脸啊 It's biting my face!
我靠 Shit!
黑市上的珍稀动物 Black market exotic animals,
就和我们想象的一样 just like we expected to be in there.
你的口音没了 是吧 The accents are gone, huh?
把他们带出去 伙计们 他们是条子 Take them out, guys. They're cops.
那是什么 What was that?
不知道 我觉得车子在动 I don't know! I think we're moving.
车子绝对在动 We're definitely moving!
这里还有该死的鸟和屎 There's fucking birds and shit in here!
真的是一摊子屎啊 There's actual shit!
闹什么 What the fuck?
这地方还他妈的有条龙啊 There's a fucking dragon in here!
靠 Shit!
刚才怎么了 What was that?
哥们 那是咱们的车 Dude, that was our car.
那里有我们满满的回忆啊 We shared so much in that car!
就凭这个 我得朝着他们脸上开一枪 I'm going to shoot them in the face for that!
那他妈的是我们的车啊 That was our fucking car!
你在干什么 What are you doing?
别又金刚狼附体啊 Don't teen wolf on the truck!
别丢我一个人在这呀 Don't leave me here alone!
那就上来啊 Then get up here!
我做不了这个 I can't do that!
那就他妈爬上来 快 爬上来 Then fucking climb around. Come on, climb around.
走了 快走 伙计 你能行的 Let's go. Come on, buddy. You got it.
这也太可怕了 This is so scary!
开枪射他 Shoot him!
别让我挂在这 Don't leave me out here!
- 我没子弹了 - 你个脑残 - I'm all out. - You stupid moron!
好了 来吧 That's it. Come on.
- 快他妈上来 快点 - 操 - Fucking get up here. Come on. - Fuck!
- 好了 你还好吗 - 还行 - All right, you good? - Yeah!
- 你只管走几步就行了 好吗 - 好的 - All you got to do is walk now, okay? - Okay.
靠 Shit!
你他妈干嘛呢 快上来 What the fuck are you doing? Get up here!
我上不去 I can't!
好吗 那我就只能拖着你了 All right, fine, I guess I'll just drag you.
我要死了 I'm gonna die!
你不会死的 赶紧他妈的上来 You're not gonna die. Just get the fuck up here!
自己爬上来 Pull yourself up here.
使劲啊 Use your core!
你没问题的 没问题的 来来来 好了 You got it, you got it. Come on, come on. Yeah!
好了 你觉得自己能站起来吗 All right. Think you can stand on your own now?
能 Yes!
咱应该已经甩掉他们了 I think we lost them.
靠 Shit!
他简直他妈的就是个终结者 He's the fucking Terminator!
这样太他妈玩命了 That's fucking dangerous!
你 被 捕 了 You are under arrest!
把车停下 Pull the truck over!
老子让你他妈立刻把这傻逼车停下来 I said pull the fucking truck over right fucking now!
你欠我一辆车 You owe me a car,
最好拿辆兰博基尼来赔我 混账东西 and it'd better be a fucking lamborghini, you bitch!
我做到啦 I did it!
你有权保持沉默 You have the right to remain silent.
我靠 Oh, shit!
我的老天啊 Holy Moses!
靠 Shit.
发生什么了 What happened?
他们逃掉了 I think they got away.
你那是吻痕么 Is that a hickey?
噢 这其实是个和章鱼相关的事故 Oh. This was actually an octopus-related incident.
我开了个箱子 章鱼就扑到了我脸上 I'd opened a crate and the octopus had leapt onto my face.
明显 它们有很多很多胳膊 Apparently, they have many, many arms.
它们有八条触手 They have eight tentacles.
是的 然后 Yes, and...
听着 女士们 Look, ladies,
在你们刚来的时候 nobody gave a shit about
没人会鸟跳跳街的重启计划 the jump street reboot when you first came on.
但凡有点脑子的人 包括我 Anyone with half a brain, myself included,
都认为那个计划注定会很惨烈地泡汤 thought it was destined to fail spectacularly.
但是你们走了狗屎运 But you got lucky.
所以现在这个部门大量投资 So now this department has invested
以保证跳跳街能顺利运转 a lot of money to make sure jump street keeps going.
我们把那些人的预算翻了倍 We've doubled their budget.
就像花两倍的价钱能保证两倍的利润 As if spending twice the money guaranteed twice the profit.
说得跟真的似的 Like that's going to work.
没错 长官认为你们这次失败的原因 Yeah. Well, the commissioner's convinced this debacle happened
在于你们没像第一次那样 because you weren't doing the same undercover student thing
当学生卧底 you did the first time.
她就搞不懂"一鼓作气 再而衰" She doesn't get that it's always worse
这个道理 the second time around.
然后就扮演那些老套的角色 You settle into worn-out roles.
一个很强势 另外一个很胆怯 One gets possessive, the other runs away.
在岁月磨砺中 你会痛苦地发现 You begin a slow, painful unraveling,
原本自己觉得很美好的事物 as all the good things that came before
最终都会被悲伤消磨殆尽 begin to be crushed by the trash compactor of sadness.
这听着不太像我们俩啊 我是说 That doesn't sound like us. I mean...
我要离婚了 I'm getting a divorce.
我们不想做一样的事情 We don't want to do the same thing.
我们想突破我们的极限 We want to burst through our ceiling.
然后找到下一个极限 And you're gonna find another ceiling
然后就再突破那个极限 and you got to bust through that one,
然后就只要不停地突破极限就行了 and you just got to keep hammering ceilings.
好了 好了 好了 Okay, okay, okay.
我们能不能从事一些真正的秘密工作 What if we actually went into the secret service
就像 保护白宫之类的 and, like, tried to protect the white house?
Channing Tatum在<惊天危机>中饰演的角色就曾上演因恐怖分子袭击白宫而拯救总统的戏码
- 我觉得 - 那是不太可能的 - I think... - I don't think that would work.
我需要打断你了 I'm going to ask you to stop talking.
我觉得这主意挺好的呀 I thought it was a pretty good idea.
昨日重现 皆大欢喜 Do the same thing as last time, everyone's happy.
韩国人居然把他们的教堂买回来了 I can't believe the Koreans bought their church back.
是啊 好事是街的正对面就有个 Yeah. Good thing there was an even bigger
更大的废教堂 abandoned church directly across the street.
没错 真方便 Yeah. That's convenient.
是 很方便 Yes, it is convenient.
我们明年估计就又回街那头了 Next year, we'll probably just be right back across the street.
就在隔壁 Just next door.
别超前想这些了 Let's not get ahead of ourselves.
我可没有超前呢 We're not ahead of ourselves.
我不就在你身边嘛 We're right next to each other.
帅呆了 莫名其妙地奢华了起来 This is awesome. Like, way more expensive for no reason.
快看Dickson的办公室 Look at Dickson's office.
看着就像个大冰块 Looks like a giant cube of ice.
小混球们 觉得现在的跳跳街怎么样啊 How you bitches like jump street now?
瞧见这玩意没 Y'all see this shit?
跳跳街22号 就是酷拽屌 22 jump street is the lick.
为了照顾你们这俩傻逼 And I got a big-ass raise
老子可是收了一大笔加薪 to babysit you two fuckers again.
我自己设计的 我们的咖啡吧 Designed it myself. We got an espresso bar.
我打算在那边放个鲨鱼缸 I'm thinking about a shark tank over there.
我喜欢鲨鱼哦 Ooh, I like sharks.
去他妈的跳跳街21号 Fuck a 21 jump street,
去他妈的韩国上帝 and fuck a Korean Jesus.
诶呀 队长别这样 韩国耶稣就在那呢 Whoa! Cap, come on, Korean Jesus is right there.
那是越南耶稣 That's Vietnamese Jesus.
看见没 这是个越南教堂 See, this a Vietnamese church.
你个种族歧视的渎神大粪堆 You racist, sacrilegious sack of shit.
看看那个 这越南耶稣真是屌炸天了 Look at that. Vietnamese Jesus just dripping swagoo.
我们还新雇了些白痴实习生 And we got some new dumb-ass interns.
嗨 赶紧的 Hey, hey! Look alive!
- 小伙子们 - 哟 Jenko - Boys. - Yo, Jenko.
嗨 Schmidt Hey, Schmidt!
快住手吧 Don't do that.
所以 他们想重来一次 咱就重来一次 So, they want the same shit, so here we go.
同样的身份 Same identities.
同样的任务 Same assignment.
我们又要回高中了吗 We're going back to high school?
你他妈看着都快五十岁了 Your ass look like you about 50.
你们要去新都城大学 You're going to MC State.
我们要去真正的大学了吗 We're going to college for real?
那儿有人在搞一种新型毒品 Somebody's out there, they're cooking up a new drug.
是阿得拉和摇头丸 再加上乱七八糟的东西合成的 It's Adderall mixed with ecstasy mixed with God knows what else.
Adderall 一种治疗多动症的药物 也可作为兴奋剂
"诬陷丸" "Wipey"?
不是 你个蠢比 "无限玩" No, you dumb motherfucker. "Whyphy."
全称是"无限学 无限玩" Stands for "Work hard? Yes. Play hard? Yes."
现在有小孩嗑了它 Now, these kids take this shit,
就能学得忘乎所以 连看四个小时 and they get laser-focused for about four hours of studying,
然后他们开派对就跟回到1999年似的 and then they party like it's goddamn 1999.
这是谁 Who's this?
那是Cynthia Watson That's Cynthia Watson.
她是新都城大学的学生 She was a student at MC State.
她嗑了无限玩 She took some whyphy,
把自己反锁在宿舍外面 got locked out of her dorm,
最后摔下了屋顶 ended up falling off the roof.
现在她死了 And now she's dead.
这是她在校园里买毒品的照片 That's her buying drugs on campus.
那就是她的毒贩子 And that's the dealer.
找到毒贩子我们就能找到大毒枭 Find him and we find the supplier.
长官 我能不能说一句 Sir, can I just say,
能接手黑人被害案真的是太棒了 it is so refreshing to have a case with a black victim.
我是说 正因为是黑人 所以我们特别重视 I mean, we care so much more because she's black.
我觉得他其实是想说 I think what he's really trying to say
我们平等地重视每个人 is that we care equally.
真的 都是一样多的 It's a tie, really, how much we care.
不 我们可不是 Uh... no, we're not.
那要是个白人 我理都不理 If it was a white person, I wouldn't even care.
这种脑残死一个少担心一个 One less cracker-ass cracker to worry about.
你丫每次说话怎么都让我这么想吐呢 Why every time you speak I want to throw the fuck up?
融入毒贩 锁定毒枭 Infiltrate the dealer, find the supplier.
Wiz Khalifa - Work Hard, Play Hard
你还好吧 You all right?
还好 Yeah.
就是有点 It's just...
我是我们家中第一个装作上大学的人 I'm the first person in my family to pretend to go to college.
最棒的是我们能一起做这件事 Best part is we get to do it together.
你好呀 大学 What's up, college?
- 你好吗 哥们 - 我们住在322室 - What's up, bro? - We're 322.
高中太傻逼了 是吧 Fuck high school, right?
高中傻逼 Fuck high school.
太挤了 Oh, so tight!
这太牛逼了 Oh, this is so baller!
床 哦靠 Beds... oh, shit.
哥们 那看着像是一坨精液 Oh, dope. That looks like cum.
的确是精液 好吧 That's cum. Okay. All right.
我们床垫上已经有精液了哟 哥们 Already got cum on the mattress, dawg.
- 欢迎来到大学 - 真他妈爽 - Welcome to college. - Fuck, yeah.
弹出式储物篮
洗浴用品筐
电炉
懒人沙发
T恤
写着我们喝了酒的搞笑T恤 Hilarious shirt that signals we drink alcohol.
3
个
沐 浴 球
我妈给我的烤培根机 Some bacon machine that my mom got me.
我不知道该怎么用 I do not understand how it works.
这
玩意
棉签
懒人沙发
我
接 下 来
半
年
都
不 会
洗
的
棉 被
的确 It's true.
超高科技的警用设备 Super high-tech police gear.
全权享用预算吧 小混球 Carte blanche with the budget, motherfucker.
我要否决那个海报 I'm going to veto that poster.
有点太幼稚了 It's a touch of childish.
好吧 兰博基尼怎么就小孩子气了 Okay. What do lambos have to do with touching children?
兰博基尼弱爆了 Lambos are lame.
我只有一个选择 选择一个我不会 I get one choice. I get one thing that I'm not...
- 可以随心所欲一回 - 我们必须保持一致 懂吗 - I can just do whatever I want to. - We have to agree. You know what I mean?
还好吗 伙计 我们住在对面哟 What up, fellas? We're your across-the-hall neighbors.
嗨 你们是双胞胎啊 Oh, hey,you're twins.
- 有两个人呢 - 你好呀 - There's two of you. - What's up, man?
我们是"阳"家人 我是Kenny Yang We're the Yangs, man. Kenny Yang.
你好啊 What's up?
我是Keith Yang Keith Yang.
你说"阳"家人 Did you say the Yangs?
是啊 我爸是中国人 Yeah, dad's Chinese, man.
我们妈妈不是中国人 她是黑人 Our mom's not Chinese. She's black.
她那是真黑 Oh. She's like real black.
- 黑得像韦斯利斯奈普斯 - 对 Like Wesley Snipes black. Exactly.
Wesley Snipes 美国黑人演员 代表作<死亡游戏> <刀锋战士>
我们也是兄弟俩 We're brothers, too.
不 他没开玩笑 他很认真的 No. He's not kidding. He's serious.
喔 真的吗 Oh, really?
什么 你们俩里的一个更老一些 What? Like, one of y'all older?
你们都有鱼尾纹了 伙计 Yeah, 'cause you got crow's feet under your eyes, man.
尤其是你 You specifically.
我们这年纪正好上大学呢 We're actually just normal college age.
年纪大没什么的 伙计 I mean, even if you're a little older, that's cool, man,
你懂的 姑娘都喜欢老成的人 because, you know, girls here love older dudes.
没错 That's true.
而且 这有很多疯狂又能操的姑娘 Plus, there's mad fuckable girls here.
能疯又能"干" 尤其是春假期间的 Mad fuckable. Especially during spring break.
我爱春假 不过我必须得说 I love spring break. But I do have to say,
我目前已经操过一千个姑娘了 I've fucked a thousand girls by now
我不知道 到了最后 and I don't know, at the end of the day,
人总是想要一些更深入更有内涵的东西 you just kind of want something that's just a little deeper really.
没错 更深入的蛋蛋 Yeah, balls deeper.
见鬼 请我可乐 Jinx. Buy me a coke.
诶呀妈呀 默契还是这么好 Oh, snap, we're still saying the same thing.
好神奇呀 This is amazing!
胡萝卜 Carrots.
粗黑麦面包 Pumpernickels.
荧光棒 Glow sticks.
双胞胎 Twins!
- 屌炸了 哥们 - 太牛逼了 - That's dope, dude. - That's so sick.
太厉害了 我们也有这种兄弟感应的 That's crazy. We have that brother connection, too.
- 准备好了吗 - 恩 好了 - You ready? - Mmm-hmm. Yeah.
- 海盗 - 回形针 - Pirates! - Paper clips!
- 婴儿脚 - 香蕉 - Baby feet! - Bananas!
- 太阳 - 不知道 - Sun! - I don't know!
- 愤怒 - 单词 - Anger! - Words!
- 流沙 - 鞋子 - Quicksand! - Shoes!
瞧啊 Boom!
太厉害了 牛逼 That's hip-hop, man. Awesome.
真棒 That's great.
一定会超级有趣的 It's gonna be super fun.
好吗 就像上次那样 All right? Same as last time.
哥们 要是跟上次一样 Dude, if it's like last time,
你会过得超级有趣 you're gonna have an awesome time,
我会过得非常想死 and it's gonna suck for me.
不 你也会过得超级有趣的 No. You're gonna have an awesome time, too,
因为我保证你会过得超级有趣 because I'm gonna make sure of it.
你都为我挡枪子了 You took a bullet for me.
没错 我是挡了 糟糕透了 That's right, I did, and it sucked,
不过我还是会那么做的 but I'd do it again.
不行 该我来了 我可是欠你一命呢 No way. It's my turn. I owe you a life debt.
男女混合洗手间 Co-ed bathrooms.
什么 哦 靠 What? Oh, shit.
待在这儿的这段时间我都不准备拉屎了 I'm not gonna take a shit the entire time I'm here.
我懂 I know.
嗨 你好 Hey. How you doing?
你好 Hey.
- 你好吗 - 你呢 - What's up? - 'Sup?
忙着发明脸书 Just exhausted from inventing Facebook
和其他我们这些年轻人用的网站而已 or whatever website people our age use.
他们还用书呢啊 They still have books?
我还以为他们都把书存进电脑了 I thought they just put the books inside the computers.
八成那些小孩就是用书架偷偷打炮吧 Yeah, I guess the kids just use the stacks to hide and have sex.
我们要参加Cynthia报的所有课和活动 So we'll go to all Cynthia's classes and activities,
四处问问毒品的事情 ask around about the drug
然后找到毒贩 and find out who the dealer is.
没错 就像上次一样 Yeah, it's just like last time.
和上次一模一样 Exactly like last time.
哥们 在人类性学课上 Dude, in human sexuality,
你是能操到人 do you get to fuck
还是只能看着别人操啊 or do you just get to watch people fuck?
都不能 Neither.
那我他妈为什么要上这门课 What the fuck am I taking it for, then?
Cynthia Watson参与的课程和活动
历史 135 - 管理问题
心理学 101 - 心理学介绍
我们肯定都听说过这句话 Now, obviously, we've all heard this statement before,
"第一印象很重要" First impressions are important.
我给你们个第一印象 I've got a first impression for you.
你们都喜欢心理学吗 Oh, y'all like psychology?
那是崔西·摩根 Tracy Morgan.
Tracy Morgan 美国喜剧演员 代表作<警界双贱> <我为喜剧狂>
没人懂吗 Nobody?
无限学 无限玩 对不对 Work hard, play hard, am I right?
你是想找无限玩吗 You looking for some whyphy?
没错 那玩意可厉害了 Yeah, man, that'd be sick.
那就去警察局 Go to the police station,
走进去让你的队长到证物室给你找 walk in and ask your captain to see the evidence room
因为你他妈就是个缉毒警 'cause you're a fucking narc.
你是不是搞错了 I think you're mistaken.
你可是把警徽都挂上了 You're literally wearing your badge.
你刚刚真的在检查 Did you really just check to see
自己有没有挂警徽吗 if you were wearing your badge?
这家伙是个条子 This guy's a fucking cop.
我没往下看 I didn't look down.
"麦克风开放夜"诗歌同乐会
"等等 Jacobs教授" "Wait, Professor Jacobs,
"历史不是很久远的事情吗" "doesn't history happen a long time ago?"
其实 历史发生在 Well, history happens...
这课也太简单了吧 This class is such a gut.
嗨 你们玩橄榄球吗 Hey, you guys play football?
不 这其实是我的笔记本 No, this is actually my laptop.
我正记笔记呢 Yeah, I'm taking notes right now.
逗你的 这就是橄榄球 I'm kidding. It's a football.
McQuaid先生 Mr. McQuaid?
共价键 Covalent bonds.
毒品战争的结果是什么 What has been the result of the war on drugs?
为什么问我 我又不是条子 Why would you ask me? I'm not a cop.
因为这是大学讨论会 Because this is a college seminar,
这是讨论会的规矩 and that's how college seminars work.
教授带领学生进行交流 Professor gets into a lively conversation with the student.
摩擦产生火花 然后才能学会知识 Friction creates fire, and that leads to lessons learned.
这年头搞到毒品可难了 Well, it's definitely harder to get drugs.
我的经验之谈 I can personally tell you that.
可卡因的平均价格 The average price of cocaine
在最近三十年间下降了百分之七十 has dropped 70% in the last 30 years.
那你的毒贩估计是 Then your dealer's probably
卖给你了一些烂货 selling you some pretty stepped-on shit.
McQuaid先生 大学是个美好的地方 Mr. McQuaid, college is a wonderful place.
在这里你可以决定自己的人生 This is where you get to decide who you actually are,
而不是假装那个 instead of the person that
你明显正在假装的人 you're clearly pretending to be right now,
而且每个人都能看得出来的 which everyone sees through, by the way.
你需要决定 "我是否继续以前的事" You got to decide, "Do I just keep doing the same thing,
"还是选择不同的道路" "Or am I gonna choose a different path
"并且质疑自己的以前的信仰呢" "And question my convictions?"
我可没什么前科 I don't have any prior convictions.
你说这个干嘛 Why are you saying this stuff?
这就是我要的答案 McQuaid先生 That's exactly the answer I wanted, Mr. McQuaid!
我希望你能质疑我说的话 I want you to question what I'm saying.
这就是这整个课程的根基 This is the basis of this whole course,
这就是大学的美妙之处 and that's the beauty of college.
你可以畅所欲言 You can say whatever you want.
你可以为所欲为 You can be whatever you want.
我是说 反正我是终身教授 I mean, I have tenure.
我的确可以畅所欲言 I can really say whatever I want.
乔治·华盛顿是个黑人女同性恋 George Washington was a black lesbian.
George Washington 美国首任总统 白人 但如今华盛顿是美国黑人最常见的姓氏之一
埃菲尔铁塔是用假老二搭的 The eiffel tower is made of dildos.
他们可开除不了我 我是不可毁灭的 They can't fire me. I'm indestructible.
我还睡了两个我的学生 I'm sleeping with two of my students.
她和她 我真的睡过她们 Her and her. I actually am.
那么 就像你之前那样 Now, just like you did before,
我想让你此时此刻 畅所欲言 I want you right now to say whatever you want.
畅所欲言就行 Say whatever you want.
肥爷托 Fieto.
"肥爷托" 不是个词 但是我接受了 "Fieto," Not a word, but I'm gonna accept it.
为所欲为吧 McQuaid先生 You can do whatever you want with your life, Mr. McQuaid.
挂这一科的唯一办法是 The only way you can fail this class
隐藏真实的自己 is by not becoming who you truly are.
拜托回我的短信啊 Please respond to my text.
图书馆 - 兼职
好的 我们还能再做一次即兴游戏 Okay, we got time for just one more improv game.
这一次 我们需要大量的不同意见 For this one, we need a ton of different suggestions.
所以 我们需要各位说个词 So, we just need you guys to fill in the blank
接龙进我们说的句子里 in a sentence that we're gonna set up.
像这样 "好饿啊 我好想吃个" So it'll go like this. Oh, I'm so hungry, I wish I had a...
"卫生棉条" Tampon!
好吧 但是我们需要 Okay, but we want...
我们需要一个真正的食物 We want it to be actual food
这样 这游戏才说得通 so that it, like, makes sense with the game.
那样才更好玩 所以 再试一次吧 It's more fun that way. So, uh, let's try it one more time.
"我得回家去喂我的" Oh, I've got to get home so I can feed my...
"勃起的老二" Boner!
你猜怎么着 咱们就直接玩游戏吧 You know what? Let's just play the game, okay?
好的 所以你打算 All right, so what would you...
嗨 那个妹子和我一起上心理学课 Hey, that girl's in my psych class.
天哪 她可真火辣 跟她说说话去 Damn, she's hot. Go talk to her.
你跟我一起去找她说话 You come talk to her with me.
别这么娘炮 赶紧的 快去 Stop being a pussy and go talk to her. Go.
好吧 好吧 All right, all right.
即将上台的是 Coming to the stage, we got...
J. Bohnes 也就是 J. Bohnes, aka...
- 你好 - 你好 - Hey. - Hi.
我觉得我们应该是上的同一堂心理课 I think we're in the same psych class.
哦 没错 你好 Oh, yeah. Hi.
没错 Yeah.
"药丸兮 药丸兮 账单兮 药丸兮" "Pills! Pills! Bills! Pills!
"账单兮 时代之标志兮" "Bills! A sign of the times that rhymes
"阿曼达·贝尼斯" "Amanda bynes
Amanda Bynes 美国好莱坞女星 曾与Channing Tatum一起出演过<足球尤物>
"让安迪洋娃娃马戏去死" "Drop that raggedy Andy circus
Raggedy Andy的形象诞生于1920年 为美国作家所作的动画人物Raggedy Ann(1915)的兄弟
"一大帮傻子" "Circle jerks..."
Circle jerks 1979年成立于美国加州的硬核朋克乐队
- 你们就是练即兴的人啦 - 是啊 - You guys are the improv guys, right? - Yeah.
不错 That's cool.
你就是那个瞎起哄的人吧 You're the guy with the terrible suggestions.
是啊 不客气 伙计 Yeah. You're welcome, man.
谢谢 各位 下一位是J女士 Thanks, guys. Um, lady J is gonna be up next for you.
Cynthia 那个死了的女孩 Cynthia, that girl who died,
她以前一直来这里 是吧 she used to come here all the time, right?
题目叫做<乳晕> This piece is called areolas.
你认识她吗 Did you know her?
认识 她就住在我们走廊对面 Yeah, she lived across the hall from me.
- 是吗 - 你为什么这么在意 - Yeah? - So why do you care so much?
我 我正在写 I'm... I'm writing a...
"人类贪婪的手" "Greedy man hands!"
一个纪念她的诗歌 ...A slam poem in her honor.
刚开始写 刚刚才提笔 Early stages, very early stages.
- 是吗 - 是的 是的 - Oh, really? - Yeah, yeah.
是不是 Wouldn't it be better
提前写好了拿上去读更好啊 just to, like, plan the stuff out ahead of time,
好歹不用当着大家的面出糗了吧 and then not say it in front of people and embarrass yourself?
那是另外一码事了 那是叫单人脱口秀 That's a thing that people do. That's stand-up comedy.
你们应该去做那个呀 That's probably what you should do,
那个更有趣一些 because that stuff's funny.
"我棕色的乳头" "My brown nipple
"会在哺乳期分泌白色的乳汁" will produce white milk during lactation..."
你觉得这个怎么样 What do you think of this?
其实我觉得很有感染力 I actually think it's really powerful.
你能这么觉得很好 That's cool that you said that,
那妹子谈她乳头啥的时候 'cause I actually thought it was really powerful, too,
我也觉得特有感染力 when the one girl was talking about her nips and shit.
好 还有人要上来分享吗 Okay, does anybody have anything they want to share?
看看你的本事吧 Let's see what you got.
观众席中有没有诗人呢 Any more poets in the audience?
我是说 你真的写诗吗 I... I mean, do you really do poetry?
当然 我去 I do, and I will.
- 这儿 - 什么 - I got somebody. - What?
好 还有人要上来 快来吧伙计 Okay, we got somebody. All right, give it up, guys.
好吧 Yeah! Okay.
- 上去就行了 - 好吧好吧 - Just go up there. - All right, okay.
- 好吧 - 别紧张 - Okay. - No pressure.
- 看着吧很棒的 - 恩 - You'll see, it's good. - Yeah!
呃 Um...
这是我正在写的一首诗 This is a work in progress.
呃 So, uh...
诗歌汇 Slam poetry!
叫喊 Yelling!
愤怒 Angry!
疯 狂 挥 手 Waving my hands a lot!
对事物的特 别 看 法 Specific point of view on things
Cynthia Cynthia!
Cyn-thi-a Cynthia
耶稣为你我的原罪 而 死 Jesus died for our sin-thee-uhs
耶稣哭泣 Jesus cried
落跑新娘 "Runaway bride
茱莉亚罗伯茨 Julia Roberts!
茱莉亚 抢劫 Julia rob
受伤 Hurts
Cynthia Cynthia!
Cynthia Cynthia
你死了 你 死 了 You're dead you are dead
你死了 "You're dead"
致逝去的Cynthia that's for Cynthia, who's dead.
哇哦 Whoo!
我一点线索都没找到 I don't have a single lead.
我找到了 我听说你随时随地可以在校园买到"无限玩" I do. I hear you can get whyphy on campus anywhere 24/7.
你觉得他们是在说毒品 无限玩 Do you think they mean whyphy the drug
还是"无线网" or wi-fi like the Internet?
什么 What...
智商硬伤 Fuck you, brain.
我们上次是怎么那么容易就找到毒贩的 How did we find the dealers so easy the first time?
他的号码就写在小广告上 Well, his number was literally on a sticker.
那咱们就去找找这家伙的小广告 Well, let's go find this guy's sticker.
我可不觉得这家伙会用小广告 I don't think this guy does stickers.
我们需要帮助 我们得去咨询一下专家 Well, we need help. We need to consult an expert.
哟兄弟 你射到他老二了 Yo, dude, you shot him in the dick, dude.
- 我射到他老二了 - 对的 - I got him in the dick. - Yep.
射到他老二 "Shot him in the dick."
这不是真人版的<福星与福将>吗 If it isn't Turner and hooch, in the flesh.
<福星与福将> 狗和人搭档的刑侦片
靠 你身材可真好 Holy shit, you are looking fit.
嘿 你应该从他这儿取取经 Hey, you should get some tips from this guy.
看看人家这胸肌 He's looking good. Look at those pectoral muscles.
我就想你这样 That's the kind of definition I want out of you, man.
嘿 Eric What's up, Eric? Hey.
Walter先生 我们应该 Mr. Walters, we should, um...
我应该说句抱歉 呃 Or I should apologize for, uh...
为射掉了我的老二吗 For shooting my penis off?
嗯 Yeah. Yeah.
别放在心上 兄弟 这简直是个解放 Don't sweat it, brother. I'm liberated. Totally.
他们给了我一个逼 You know they gave me a vagina?
简直太棒了 你们想看看么 It's awesome. You guys want to see it?
不用不用不用 No, no, no, no! No, no, no.
- 行了 - Eric看过了 - That's fine. All right. - Eric's seen it.
Eric玩的可爽了 是吧Eric Eric's been all up in that shit. Isn't that right, Eric?
你们他妈的得把我弄出去 You guys got to get me the fuck out of here.
你猜怎么着 Hey, guess what.
我是Eric的马子 I'm Eric's bitch.
不你不是 No, you're not.
我就是 Yes! I am!
我是你的马子 I'm your bitch.
哦天哪 抱歉亲爱的 Oh, my God. I'm so sorry, honey.
我不是那个意思 你懂的对吧 I didn't mean that. You know that, right?
大姨妈一来我就特别讨人嫌 I am such a bitch when aunt flo shows up.
好多血 太疯狂了 It bleeds so much, it's crazy.
就像<闪灵>里电梯门打开的那一幕 It's like the elevator doors opening in the shining.
你的逼根本是个摆设 伙计 Your vagina doesn't fucking work, man.
昨晚你还用的好好的呀 Worked for you last night.
很显然你在强迫Eric跟你在一起 You are so clearly forcing Eric into this relationship.
Eric我有强迫你什么吗 Eric, am I forcing you into anything?
- 有 - 听见了吧 - Yes. - See?
听着 我们去大学里当卧底 Look, they sent us in undercover at a college
找啥新毒品的供货人 to find the dealer of this new synthetic,
但没人给我们任何线索 and no one will tell us anything.
因为你们看起来太像他妈的缉毒警了 That's 'cause you guys look like fucking narcs, all right?
大学生可没Eric这么蠢 College kids aren't dumb like Eric.
我可是要上伯克利的人 I was supposed to go to Berkeley.
我们只有这张照片 Well, they gave us a picture, so we do have that.
这就是线索啊小崽子们 Well, that's your lead, motherfucker!
就从这儿开始 That's what you start with.
我知道 但这里没有他的脸 所以我们不知道这是谁 I know, but we can't see his face, so we don't know who it is.
我们不知道这是谁 We don't know who it is.
我是Schmidt 我拉裤子了 I'm Schmidt. My pants are filled with doody.
你就这样 That's you.
我才不是这样呢 That doesn't sound anything like me.
确实有点像 You sort of sound like that.
一点也不像 That doesn't sound anything like me.
一点也不像 "That doesn't sound anything like me."
并不是一点也不像 It's not not you.
一点也不像 That doesn't sound anything like me.
Eric 闭上眼 猜是谁在说话 Eric! Close your eyes and tell me who's talking right now.
是Schmidt小贱人 That's Schmidt being a little bitch.
学的一点都不像 That's just not a good impression.
干得好 神探们 Nice job, super sleuths.
你们他妈好好看照片了吗 Did you even bother to look at the fucking picture?
- 嗯 - 嗯 Yeah. Huh?
这有倒影啊 There's a reflection right here.
你们要找的家伙有纹身 Your fucking guy's got a tattoo.
找到纹身 就能找到毒贩 Find the tattoo, find the dealer.
靠 伙计 我不知道啊 Fuck, man, I don't know.
我给喝醉的小孩们做过太多愚蠢的纹身了 I do a lot of stupid tattoos to drunk kids.
你记得这个愚蠢的纹身吗 Do you remember that stupid tattoo?
火箭筒 A bazooka?
我记得可能是一个橄榄球手 Think I might have did it on a football player.
留个红莫西干头 好像是 Guy with a red mohawk. I don't know.
他们对我来说长得都差不多 They all start to look the same to me.
我觉得我知道他说的是谁了 I think I know exactly who he's talking about.
操你妈 Fuck you!
操你妈 你这个小龙套 Fuck you, you little walk-on fuck!
穿着这个简直都没法动了 I can't, like, move around in these things.
靠 爽 Fuck, yeah.
现在不是掏耳朵的时候吧 That's a weird time to be q-tipping.
你们这些娘炮 You're all fucking pussies!
- 兄弟 你不用上场的 - 什么 Dude, you don't have to do this. What?
- 我只是不想你受伤 - 我不会 I just don't want you to get hurt. I'm not gonna get...
哎呀 Whoops.
靠 哇哦 Shit. Whoa.
兄弟 真对不起 Dude, I am so sorry.
没关系 伙计 别放在心上 It's all right, man. Don't worry about it, man.
- 你确定么 - 嗯 啊 - Are you sure? All right... - Yeah. Ow.
靠 我来捡 Shit. I got it.
- 好的 我来 - 我来 - Okay, I got it. - I got it.
啊 没关系 Ow! That's fine.
- 我来捡 - 别 我来 - I'll get it. - No, no, let me get it, let me get it.
- 不 我来吧 - 我来吧 - 不 我来吧 - No, I got it. - Let me just get it. - No, let me get it.
- 放着我来 - 咱们 - I got it, I got it. - Let's just...
伙计 真抱歉 我把我的棉签掉在你的肉里了 Dude, I'm sorry. I got my q-tip in your meat, bro.
不不 是我 我把我的肉掉在你的棉签上了 No, man, I got my... I got my meat in your q-tip.
全新品种三明治 It's like a whole new type of sandwich.
一份肉棉签 Like, a meat q-tip.
一份肉签 Like a meat-qute.
太逗了 That's funny.
嘿 你们想尝尝这种新型三明治么 Hey, you guys want some of this sandwich?
肉签治 It's a meat-qute sandwich.
我们俩在吃肉签治 Me and this guy are having a meat-qute.
你太逗了伙计 你叫什么 You're hilarious, dude. What's your name?
Brad 等下 Brad Brad. Wait... Brad.
呃 对 就是Brad Uh, yeah, yeah, it's Brad.
- 我叫Zook - 很高兴见到你Zook I'm Zook. Nice to meet you. Zook.
也很高兴见到你 Nice to meet you, too, man.
蓝队20 Blue 20!
预备 发球 Set, hut!
跑龙套的日子还不错吧 You love walk-on day now?
胳膊没事吧 要脱掉袖子吗 Your arm all right? You want to take that sleeve off?
不用了 我很好 No, I'm good.
靠 伙计 真是一计他妈漂亮的接球 Dude, holy shit, bro. Great fucking catch, dude.
要是你看见防线都那么后面了 就快点传球 If you see that safety line up that deep, though, hit me quicker.
好 我不知道你跑得这么快 兄弟 Oh, yeah, I didn't know you had wheels like that, bro.
这有点奇怪 但他是我兄弟 所以 It's funny, 'cause he's my brother. So...
呃 Um...
嘿 呃 我们会在Zeta开个派对 Hey, uh, you know, we have this rush party at zeta.
你可以过来 认识认识人 but I thought, you know, you could come by and meet the guys.
一定很好玩 It'd be really fun, I think.
- 太好了 - 我们可能会去的 - Great. - Yeah, maybe we will.
你们是一伙的吗 Are you guys, like, together?
对 这是我兄弟 Yeah. Yeah, this is my bro.
搞笑 伙计 你真搞笑 That's... Funny, dude. You're funny.
哦 Oh.
真的吗 哇哦 呃 好吧 Uh, really? Wow. Um, okay.
你也来吧 Yeah, man, sure. You, too, you can come, too.
我们看情况吧 We'll see what we can do.
我之前说的话 Also, I said a bunch of stuff earlier
你还没回应 that you didn't acknowledge...
球接的漂亮 Great catch. Cool, yeah.
- 到时候见 - 所以你不想弥补一下嘛 See you then. So you won't address that?
这家伙他妈的怎么回事 What the fuck's up with that guy?
咱们现在需要做的就是去这个兄弟会 All we have to do now is rush the frat long enough
搞清楚Rooster是不是有火箭炮纹身 to confirm that rooster has that bazooka tattoo.
听着 伙计 你觉得你来真的好吗 Look, man, do you think it's cool if you come?
因为 我是说 他好像只叫了我 'Cause, I mean, he kind of really just asked me.
我不想一开始 I just don't want to start off
就搞不好关系 on the wrong foot with this guy.
伙计 你开玩笑吧 我们干嘛都一起的啊 Dude, you're tripping. We do everything together.
你不应该戴那个贝壳项链 You should lose the puka shells, though.
大学可是很不一样的 Things are different since you didn't go to college.
哟 Brad 怎么样啊兄弟 Yo, Brad! What's up, dude?
咱俩贝壳项链一样 Same puka, dude.
- 你们贝壳项链 - 贝壳兄弟 - You got the same... - Puka bros.
靠 Holy shit!
看看 一模一样 Look at him, it's, like, all the same.
你也穿这裤 Dude, you wear pants, too?
什么 哦兄弟 What? Bros, man. Dude.
我就知道我们心有灵犀 I knew we were gonna be connected, just like that.
你们干嘛不把老二也绑在一起 Yeah, why don't you guys just tie your dicks together
然后结婚 对么 Rooster and get married, right, rooster?
Rooster 怎么样啊伙计 Rooster. What's up, bro?
你看起来不错嘛 You look good, man.
Rooster 怎么样 What's up, rooster?
最近忙什么 挖贝壳么 How you doing, man? Digging the puka.
谢谢 伙计 真不敢相信一模一样 Thanks, dude. I can't believe it's the same...
最近忙什么呢 Rooster How you doing, rooster?
Rooster去拿喝的了 Rooster is getting some pop.
你跟他一起去吧 Why don't you go check him out?
- 在状态么 兄弟 - 太在了 - You in the zone, bro? - In the fucking zone, dude.
嘿 怎么样 Hey. What's up?
怎么样 我是Rooster What's up? I'm rooster.
哦 呃 Oh, yeah, no.
我们之前见过的 We've met before.
是么 我完全不记得了 Oh, really? I don't remember that at all.
你肯定是大众脸 You must just have a really plain face.
他们都叫我老大众脸 Yeah. They call me old plain face.
他们这么叫你么 They call you that?
能看看你的纹身么 So, do you have any body art or, like, any ink I could see?
这问题问的可真奇怪 That's a pretty random question.
嘿 无论如何 很高兴跟你聊天 Hey, anyway, it was so nice chatting with you, man.
也很高兴见到你 Nice to meet you, man.
哟 你他妈在干嘛 兄弟 Yo, what the fuck, bro?
你他妈在干嘛 伙计 Yo, what the fuck are you doing, dude?
你认真的么 你 You serious right now? You...
你才奇怪呢 You're being weird.
你才奇怪呢 You've been weird.
我当时就心想说 这货说什么呢 It was just like, What am I hearing?
这货说什么屁呢 What am I hearing right now?
那神经病跟你说的 And the psychic told you that?
这也太疯狂了 伙计 Yo. That is so crazy, dude.
嘿 伙计 你想上房顶看看么 Hey, dude, you want to go see the roof?
草 想啊 Fuck yeah, I want to see the roof, dude.
走 上房顶看看去 Come on, let's go, let's go. Come on.
来 到房顶上去 快来 Come on to the roof, come on to the roof. Let's go.
加油 你可以的 Come on, you can do it. Come on, come on, come on!
- 我太想念攀岩了 快来 - 上来啊 - I miss climbing so much. Come on, let's go. - Come on.
好吧 呃 All right, uh...
再来一次 One more time.
我要回去了 I'm just gonna go home.
我不会跑酷 I don't know parkour, so...
好吧 All right.
嘿 玛娅安杰洛(黑人女诗人) Hey, Maya Angelou!
诗歌 我懂了 Poetry, okay. I got it.
开诗歌专业的玩笑 Make fun of the poetry major.
我猜你将来也不打算 So, I guess you have no interest
找个正经工作吧 in having a real job in the future.
- 当然不了 - 不打算 对吧 - Absolutely not. - No, right?
你呢 What about you?
呃 我是学艺术的 Um, I'm an art major.
所以你其实也没啥真本事 因为 Okay. So you definitely cannot talk any shit, 'cause...
对 我没有 No, I can't. I cannot.
你绝对挣不到钱 ...you're never gonna make any money.
我永远也挣不到钱 I'm never gonna make any money,
所以别告诉我爸妈 但是 so don't tell my parents, but...
我今晚跟你爸妈聊天的时候 When I talk to your parents tonight,
不会提起你学艺术这事儿的 I will not tell them about your major.
- 好 谢谢你 - 别客气 Okay, thank you. You're welcome.
好吧 艺术生 All right, art major.
你怎么看 那个 What do you think about that?
呃 我觉得 Um, I would say that
这两个 物体 it's these two beings
互相依靠 保持着完美的平衡 leaning up against each other in perfect balance.
如果其中一个倒了 他们就会失去彼此 If one were to fall, they would just lose each other.
所以主题是 支持 So it's just about support.
你就不能直说它们长得跟蛋蛋一样吗 You can't admit that it looks exactly like testicles?
它们长得确实跟蛋蛋一模一样 That's exactly what it looks like.
有什么人支持你么 So, is there someone who supports you?
没有 我属于那种 No, I'm just one of those people
喜欢一个人的人 that really likes to spend time with myself.
我的天哪 Tell me about it.
我也喜欢独自一人 我简直是最擅长孤独的人了 I love to be alone. I am, like, the best at it.
我太喜欢一个人坐在房间里了 I just love when you're sitting there in a room,
只有你和你的思想 and you're just there with your thoughts,
你就想 哦天哪 我一个人 and you're like, Oh, my gosh, I'm alone.
会有人爱我吗 Would anyone ever love me? Or whatever.
我认识任何在乎我 And, like, Do I know anyone who would care
是否一辈子都一个人在房间里的人吗 If I just ever came out of this room or not?
之类的 就像 Or whatever and, like...
我说不出来 这感觉很 平和 我很喜欢 I don't know. It's just peaceful. I just like it.
嗯 Yeah.
要是你今晚不想一个人待着 Well, if you don't want to be alone tonight,
咱们可以去艺术楼里逛逛 we are gonna go hang out at the art building,
要是你想来的话 if you want to come.
好啊 好啊 Okay, okay.
好啊好啊 Okay. Okay.
我本来觉得今晚不会像我预期的那样 I expected tonight would go in a way that you wouldn't expect,
但我没想到的是 but what I didn't expect was tonight would go
今晚就跟我预期的一模一样 in the exact way that you would expect.
- 你明白我说的么 - 完全明白 - You know what I mean? - Totally.
你们经常在这里吗 So you guys hang out here a lot?
嗯 我们对那些兄弟会派对一点也不感兴趣 Yeah. I mean, we're not into the whole frat party kind of stuff.
我们就想在这里坐坐 品一点好酒 We like to sit around, just drink some good wine
聊点有意义的话题 and talk about some important stuff.
泡妞 打发时间 Banging bitches and getting wasted all fucking day.
这可是我最喜欢干的两件事了 Those are, like, two of my favorite things to do.
你就像是稍稍逊色那么一点点的 You are, like, a slightly less attractive version of...
- 毕加索 - 毕加索 - Picasso? - Picasso.
是吧 之前也有人这么说 Right? I've been told that before.
你会读心术么 You read my mind.
什么 What?
那是Cynthia Watson的房间 Oh, that's Cynthia Watson's room.
哦 Oh.
才两点 我还以为很晚了呢 你想进来吗 It's only 2:00. I thought it was late. Do you want to come in?
才两点啊 我的晚饭点呢 所以 It's only 2:00? I usually go to dinner at, like, 2:00 A.M., so...
当然了 为什么不呢 Sure, yeah, why not?
我能做到的 我得找个正确的角度 I'm gonna do it. I just got to get it at the right angle.
- 兄弟 歇歇吧 - 蠢门柱 - Dude, stop. - Stupid fucking goalpost!
这不可能的 你他妈不可能做到 It's impossible. You can't fucking do it.
每次我们赢了以后 The fans used to rush the field
球迷都要冲进球场撞门柱 after every win and tear down the goalposts,
教练烦死了 所以他们用水泥固定了门柱 and coach hated it. And so he cemented them in.
他们还是会冲进来 They storm the field, and still do it,
不过只是到处蹦跶了 but they just bounce around.
操你妈的门柱 兄弟 Fuck this goalpost, bro!
你们得抓紧点 You guys might want to hold on,
因为门柱要倒了 'cause this shit is coming down.
哟 那纹身是什么 就你胳膊上那个 Yo, what is that? The tattoo, what's that right there?
哦 这个吗 Oh. Oh, this? Mmm-hmm.
高中的球队 普莱恩维尤红鲱鱼 It's my old high school team. The Plainview red herrings.
看它会游泳 Look at it swim.
- 靠 - 什么 - Shit. - What?
靠 太有创造力了 Shit, that's a really outside-of-the-box
高中球队吉祥物 high school mascot.
小心了 伙计们 Hold on, guys.
嘿 你今天来队里选拔吧 Hey, why don't you come to practice today?
凭你的水平完全可以进校队 I mean, you're obviously good enough to play on the team.
听着 我来这儿不是来玩橄榄球的 Look, I'm not supposed to be here to play football.
什么 What?
我是来做我该做的事情 I'm just here to do my assignments
然后走人 就这样 and get out, that's it.
当然了 学习是很重要 I mean, yeah, school's important or whatever,
但是当我传球给你的时候 but when I was throwing you those passes,
我在你跑之前就知道你会往哪跑 it was like I knew where you were gonna be before you went there.
我脑海中一直有这样的景象 You know, I had this, like, vision of me
我传球给你 throwing bullet tds to you, dude,
然后所有的球迷开始欢呼 and then all these fans just started going, like...
Zook Mcquaid Zook Mcquaid "Zook! Mcquaid! Zook! Mcquaid!"
他们不停地欢呼 And they were chanting and chanting,
然后撞倒门柱 and then the goalposts came down.
伙计 Dude?
我脑海里也一直一直有这种景象 I have had that exact vision, like, my entire life.
- 伙计 - 伙计 - Dude. - Dude.
- 兄弟 - 兄弟 - Bro? - Bro.
- 伙计 - 兄弟 - Dude. - Bro.
伙计 Dude.
我们他妈的可以啊 兄弟 Like, well, we fucking can, bro.
你要做的只是加入球队 All you gotta do is join the team.
好 干嘛不呢 Yeah. Why not?
噢耶 Yes!
太他妈棒了 伙计 Fuck yeah, dude.
那是什么 What's that?
我的纹身 My tattoo.
靠 看看 Yeah, fuck, look.
看 这是我 Zook Look, it's me, Zook.
拿着个火箭炮 看见了么 Got a fucking bazooka for an arm. Know what I mean?
伙计 你能加入球队 Dude, I'm so fucking pumped
我简直太开心了 you're gonna be on this fucking team, bro.
嗯 Yep.
怎么样 What's up with it?
你好吗 How you doing?
嗨 我很好 Hi. Good.
你觉得 How was the, um...
昨晚如何 How was the sex for you?
我感觉棒极了 It was fun for me. It was a good time.
嗯 Yeah, right.
我很爽 I enjoyed it.
嗯 Yeah.
这就是我不喝酒的原因 This is why I don't drink.
哦 Oh.
嘿 你怎么样 Hey. How you doing?
我很好 I'm fine.
我可没有一整晚听你们交配的声音 I mean, I'm not listening to you guys fornicate all night long.
做活塞运动 Thrusting and pumping.
感觉你的屁股都快甩掉了 I thought your hip popped out at one point.
我是说 一夜笙歌 I'm just saying, it's, like, all fun and games,
然后一早醒来发现自己躺在一个四十岁的大一新生旁边 and then you wake up in bed next to a 40-year-old freshman.
我才19 I'm 19, so...
去公园里和老朋友们的纸牌会 Nineteen minutes late to pinochle,
迟到了19分钟吗 where you're meeting your old friends in the park?
好吧我就是这个意思 Yeah, that's what I meant.
哦天哪 Maya 看看他吧 Oh, my gosh, Maya, look at him.
他脑子还这么灵光 真励志 He's still so sharp. That's so inspiring.
给我们讲讲战争的故事吧 哪一场都行 Tell us about the war, any one of them.
你的高潮是我听过最大声的 You're, like, the loudest climaxer I've ever heard.
就像是个三十岁的老处男 It was, like, the sound of, like, a 30-year-old sprinkler
终于第一次高潮了一样 finally going off for the first time.
好吧 很高兴跟你说话 Okay, well, so lovely talking with you.
你是个好人 You're a lovely person. Hmm.
很高兴见到你 Nice to meet you.
哦天哪 Oh, my God.
她看起来还不错 She seems nice.
她糟透了 She's horrible.
天哪 God.
她是Cynthia的前室友 She was Cynthia's roommate,
我很同情她 就同意跟她当室友 and I felt bad for her, so I told her I would room with her.
所以 So...
所以你今天 So you probably have a bunch of stuff
一定有很多事要做吧 that you have to do today.
- 对吧 - 没有啊 - Right? - No.
哦 好吧 Oh. Okay.
听着 我就是想让你知道 Look, I just want you to know
我不是那种打一炮就走人的人 I'm not, like, a "Hit it and quit it" Type of fella.
我是那种 打一炮 I'm, like, a "Hit it,
接着打 "Continue to hit it both
肉体和精神上都是的人 所以 physically and emotionally" Kind of guy, so...
嘿 Doug 你不会太认真吧 Hey, Doug, you're not gonna be weird about this, are you?
不会啊 No.
我是说 你能接受只是炮友 对吧 I mean, you're cool with just hooking up?
当然了 我很开心你这么说了 Yeah. I mean, no. I mean, I'm glad you said something.
因为我也不确定我清醒的时候是不是喜欢你 'Cause I don't even know if I like you when I'm sober.
哦我明白 No, I know, and it's like,
这不要紧的 一点也不要紧 that doesn't even hurt, like, at all.
好吧 呃 Okay, so, um...
我要走了 一会儿我给你发短信 I'm gonna... I'm gonna split. I'll text you later.
昨晚太棒了 你技术很不错 Great, that was great sex. You're good at it.
我三五分钟后就给你发短信 And I'll text you, three to five minutes or something?
好吧 All right.
你们他妈什么情况 what the fuck is this?
什么狗屁 This is bullshit.
你俩又在学校乱搞了是么 Are you two fucking around at school again?
我们是要付钱的 Hey, we got to pay for this shit.
- 我们需要结果 - 不不不 - We need results! - No, no, no.
听着 我们很认真地在找一个 Look, we are looking aggressively
很特别的纹身 for this very specific tattoo.
或者这纹身根本就是个死胡同 Or the tattoo could just be a dead end.
这他妈的是同一个案子啊 What the fuck? It's the same case!
跟上次一样干就好了啊 Do the same thing.
这次可不完全一样 因为 Well, it's not exactly the same case, 'cause
我们中有一个昨晚打炮了 one of us got laid last night.
Schmidt Schmidt?
嘘 Shh.
别吵醒我老二 Don't wake up my dick.
累坏了 昨晚一点没睡 Flew in on the red-eye, hasn't gotten a wink of sleep.
靠 Damn.
传教士体位 We're talking missionary.
然后后入式体位 We're talking when I'm on top and she's on her back.
她很聪明 她是学艺术的 She's smart, she's an art major.
她是他妈的艺术生 那她可没那么聪明 She can't be that smart. She's a fucking art major.
得了吧 Come on.
来击个掌 Schmidt I will give you some daps, Schmidt.
来他妈的击个掌 Give me some motherfucking daps, man!
来啊 来啊 Come on, give me some.
快来 Give me some. Come on!
我上的人类性爱学太颠覆我三观了 My human sexuality class is blowing my mind.
你记得我高中爱骂人基佬吗 Did you know I used gay slurs in high school?
记得 骂我了 Yes, directed at me.
兄弟 抱歉我以前那么恐同 Dude, I am so sorry for being a homophone.
你不觉得我们该谈谈你今天跟Dickson说的那些吗 Are we gonna talk about how weird you were today with Dickson?
听着 我不觉得那个纹身有你想的那么重要 Look, I don't think the tattoo means what you think it means.
我是说 很多人都可能有那个纹身啊 I mean, for all we know, a lot of people could have that tattoo.
这个纹身吗 这个奇葩的纹身 This tattoo? This absurdly specific tattoo?
说说都谁有 Name one other person who has this.
比如说 Zook就有 For starters, Zook has it.
Zook有这个纹身 Zook has the tattoo?
我觉得这图案超流行的 I think it's pretty popular.
这他妈算什么 我们都找这个纹身好几天了 What the fuck? We've been looking for this tattoo for days!
这意味着Zook就是那个毒贩啊 Do you understand this means Zook is the dealer?
我想你们好好认识一下 I really want you guys to hang out.
我们认识了 他从头到尾都无视了我 We have hung out. He's completely ignored me.
对不起了 但我们要调查你这个新基友 I'm sorry, but we're gonna have to investigate your new bff.
我们得去安摄像头 We're gonna put cameras everywhere,
然后监视他的一举一动 and we're gonna monitor the fuck out of what he's doing.
咱们可不能就这么走进Zeta We can't just walk into zeta house
然后到处安装摄像头 and just put up a bunch of fucking cameras, okay?
那里到处都是人 There's dudes there everywhere.
你这计划太愚蠢了 对不起 All right, your plan is stupid. I'm sorry.
- 我的计划愚蠢 真有意思 - 好吧 - My plan is stupid? That's interesting. What... - okay.
我真是受不了了 I'm, like, basically done
一直看你出洋相 fucking watching your shit all the fucking time.
对对 我就是那个愚蠢的家伙 Okay, yeah, exactly. I'm the fucking stupid one. Yeah.
真他妈太愚蠢了 Oh, that's really fucking stupid.
天哪你们之间这么不和一定很不好过吧 Man, it must be hard being so different.
我们从来都是同步的 一切都好多了 We're exactly the same. It makes everything so much easier.
伙计们 你们能给我们点空间吗 Guys, can you just give us some space?
我们真的在解决一些问题 We're really trying to figure something out,
我们需要集中精力 and we need to focus, okay?
你们要集中精力可不难 You're not gonna have trouble focusing, man.
对 那些米饼里有无限玩 Yeah, man, those krispie treats got mad whyphy in them.
我们给整楼的人做了一堆 We made a batch for the whole dorm, man.
我吃了六个了 I've eaten six of these.
- 那你一定会超集中的 - 超集中 - Then you're gonna be real focused. - Be real focused.
四小时后就会起效了 In about four hours, you're gonna be tripping.
你会没事的 伙计 You're fine. You're gonna be all right, man.
谁卖你的无限玩 Who sold you whyphy?
没人卖给我们 Nobody sold it to us.
对 Cynthia给了我们好多 Yeah, man, Cynthia gave us a butt load,
作为回报我们给她写了逻辑论文 and in exchange, we wrote her logic paper for her.
好吧 好吧 过会儿见 All right. All right, man, we'll see you guys later.
吃好 Enjoy the food.
也许是个好事呢 Maybe this is a good thing.
我们就趁着劲儿 let's use that focus to
想办法进Zook的房子 figure out a way to get into Zook's house.
- 你感觉到什么了么 - 没有啊 你呢 - You feel anything? No. - Do you feel anything?
我也没有 但我的耐受力很高 No, but I have a super high tolerance for...
我精力好集中 I'm so focused.
我也是 I'm so focused, too.
你不用趴在我上面 You don't have to be on top of me.
很有必要 Yes, I do.
- 为啥啊 - 伪装 - Why? - Camouflage.
走 Go.
我们走 Let's go.
这他妈没门 No fucking way.
好吧 那么Dane不行 Okay, so no? Dane? All right.
好吧 踢了 Out, all right.
正中靶心 Bull's-eye. Bingo.
你头盔看起来很挫啊 That helmet looks kind of lame.
知道什么不挫吗 You know what's not lame?
安全 Safety.
你干嘛 What are you doing?
切玻璃呢 I'm cutting glass.
这只是激光笔 It's a laser pointer.
- 切不了玻璃 - 啥 - It can't cut glass. - What?
一点都不好玩 That's no fun at all.
我很专注 开干吧 I'm so focused. Let's do this.
- 再给我个 - 没有摄像头了 - Give me another. - I don't have any more cameras.
你没必要钻这么多洞 算了 You don't need to drill so many holes. Yeah, okay.
耶 这个钻得不错 你放这个里面 Yeah, that one's perfect. Okay, you can do that one.
我都没有摄像头了 说了5遍了 I don't have any more cameras. I've said it five times.
好了 最后一步 All right. Okay. That's the last of 'em.
是时候证明Zook是毒贩了 Time to prove that zook's the dealer.
或者不是 Or not the dealer.
接下来是Brad Mcquaid Next up is Brad Mcquaid.
通过 好 Right? Yes.
好 Yes!
显然 这家伙 Obviously, right? I mean, the guy's...
老实说 这家伙空前绝后是不是 The guy's all-time. You guys, let's be honest.
比如 他上次用眼睛开啤酒盖 I mean, like, he was opening up beer cans with his eyeballs.
他们人不错吧 That's so sweet of them.
这么说 Brad入会了 So Brad... Brad's in.
- 呃 Doug Mcquaid呢 - 不行 - Uh, Doug Mcquaid. - No!
他就是个大傻逼 He's a bag of dicks!
他是Brad的兄弟啊 He's Brad's brother.
他哥干啥他都跟着 He follows him around everywhere,
我估计要Brad就得带上Doug so I doubt we get Brad without Doug.
这瞎说 我可是在谈段很认真的感情 That's not true. I have a serious girlfriend.
- 兄弟 我不喜欢这家伙 - 为什么 - I got a bad feeling about this guy, dude. - Why? Why?
我和他说过几句话 I was talking to him for a second.
他就是个大嘴巴 He's got a big mouth, okay?
我觉得他会把我们所有事都搞砸的 I feel like he could fuck this whole thing up for us.
看 你话太多 都搞砸了 See, you're fucking this up. You talk way too much.
这家伙没关系的 你看他长得很和善啊 That guy is harmless, dude. Look at him, he's nice.
看起来就像个30岁的初中生 He looks like a 30-year-old eighth grader.
他没问题的 He's gonna be fine.
我就是说 这小子很次 I'm just saying, the kid sucks.
好吧 但Brad Brad和我们一样 Okay, and Brad. Brad could be, like, our guy.
他能成为咱们的团伙 He could, like, be a part of our thing.
"团伙" "Our thing"? Yeah.
嘘 我在听他们夸我 Shh. I'm trying to hear them be nice about me.
太操蛋了 靠 This is fucking bullshit. Shit!
靠 Shit.
上面是有人吗 Is somebody up there?
靠 我们得赶紧出去 Shit. We got to get out of here.
你锁门了吗 Did you lock the door?
锁了 我都检查了两次 I did, man. I checked twice.
快走 走 Go, go!
我很专注 兄弟 I'm so focused, dude.
靠 Shit.
我觉得很棒啊 I think it's awesome
你多疑了 因为我们快产生幻觉了 No, you're just paranoid because we're about to trip balls.
不是 我多疑是因为有可能有危险 No, I'm paranoid because it could be dangerous.
你看 我们很安全 到了 No, we're fine. Look, we made it.
到了 一切顺利 We made it. It's all good.
靠 Oh, shit!
救命 救命 Help! Help!
这怎么回事 What's happening!
什么情况 What the fuck?
透不过气了 I can't breathe.
他们抓着我们了 They made us!
会杀了我们的 They're gonna kill us!
Jenko Jenko!
你去哪 Where are you going?
幻觉来了 I think we are tripping
操 我这幻觉太可怕了 我们幻觉太吓人了 Oh, fuck! I'm having a bad trip! We're having a bad trip!
确实产生幻觉了 但 I think we are tripping, but...
这不挺好玩的吗 God, isn't this great?
我这边恐怖多了 My side's so much scarier than yours.
哦 靠 你那太差了 Oh, shit, your trip sucks.
你该来这边 这儿好多了 You should come over here. It's way better.
好的 Okay.
这有个隔离屏障 It's some kind of weird split screen!
橄榄球 你好 Hello, football.
Jenko Jenko Jenko! Jenko!
我终于有兰博基尼了 I finally got my lambo!
嗨 Schmidt 看啊 Hey, schmidt, look!
看啊 Look! Look!
我站不住了 My legs are tired.
救命啊 别放歌了 Help! No more music!
你永远孤单一人 You'll always be alone.
- 嗨 Jenko - 怎么 - Hey, jenko. - What?
你这去哪 Where are you going?
我上去看看 好吗 I'm just gonna go up for a little while, okay?
呆着 呆这儿 Stay, stay here.
我不想呆这儿 我在飘呢 太神奇啦 No, I don't want to stay here. I'm flying. This is amazing.
不 天啊 别走 No. God. Don't go!
哦 天啊 Oh, my God.
不 No!
- 呆这儿 - 别 停下 - Stay here! - No, no, stop it.
你拽我下来了 为什么要拽我下来 You're dragging me down! Why would you drag me down?
- 拜托呆这儿 - 我在飘呢 - Please stay! - I'm flying.
别走 Stay!
- 醒醒 下车 - 靠 - Wake up! Get out of the car! - Shit.
下车 出来 Get out of the car! Get on the ground!
快跪下 On your fucking knees!
跪下 Get on your knees!
- 你都知道了 是不是 - 啥 - You already know, don't you? - What?
你们还有什么遗言吗 Do you have anything to say?
请别杀我们 Please don't kill us.
如果他妈没临终遗言了 If you don't have anything to fucking say,
那他妈就张嘴 open your fucking mouth.
这搞毛 What the fuck?
伏特加吗 Is that vodka?
兄弟们 欢迎加入Zeta Welcome to zeta, pledges!
耶 兄弟 Yeah, buddy!
兄弟们 今晚 我们要优胜劣汰 Pledges, tonight, we separate the weak from the strong.
如果今晚你没挺过来 If you don't make it through tonight,
你就不属于我们 you're dead to all of us.
Rooster Rooster,
点火 light the torch!
Zeta万岁 For zeta!
傻逼 快喝 傻逼 快喝 Drink, motherfucker! Drink, motherfucker!
今晚不管发生什么 都坚持 好吗 Look, whatever happens tonight, you have to keep up, okay?
我要吐了 I'm gonna throw up.
知道 别说了 来 I know. Shut up. Go.
准备 开始 Ready? Go!
开始了 Here we go, here we go.
1 2 3 4 5 One, two, three, four, five...
不行了 受不了了 I can't do it anymore! I can't do it anymore!
记录是20秒 Twenty's the record!
33 34 Thirty-three, 34...
67 ...67...
你可以的 可以的 You can do this, you can do this.
不行 太恶心了 I can't. This is disgusting.
- 你必须来 - 我受不了了 - No, you got to. - I can't do this anymore!
终于 到了我最喜欢的项目 And now, for my favorite event.
操 我不玩了 Fuck this. I'm not doing this.
- 不玩了 - 你这是 别 - I'm not doing it. - What are... no!
我不玩了 行吗 行吧 I'm not doing this, okay? All right?
嘿 Hey!
- Schmidt - 你搞毛啊 - Schmidt! - What the fuck, man?
你怎么回事 不是说想在一起嘛 What is your problem? You said you wanted to stick together.
我们得这么做才能赢得他们信任啊 This is what we have to do to win their trust.
只是闹着玩 就是喝喝酒促进下关系啊 This is supposed to be fun. It's just drinking and bonding games.
很好玩啊 It's fun.
对你是好玩 可我不觉得 It's fun for you. It's not fun for me.
也许我们该 我也不知道 I don't know. Maybe we should just...
也许我们该各自分开调查 Maybe we should just investigate different people.
你真这么说吗 Did you really just say that?
你真是说 Did you really just say
你想调查别人 that you want to investigate other people?
你想那么做吗 That's what you want?
我不知道 也许吧 I don't know, maybe.
也许我们该 分开行动 Maybe we should just... We should just branch out.
我们广撒网一下 Okay, just sow our oats a little.
广撒网 捞大鱼 Sow our cop oats.
Zook很信任我 Look, I have an in with zook.
我们有种默契 而且 We have a thing and it's good, and...
我不知道 也许 我该跟他更进一步 I don't know, maybe I should just stay closer to him.
你该忙你自己的 And you should do your thing
与Cynthia那室友 with your connections and channels
建立密切联系 with Cynthia's roommate.
你该看看她是否知道谁贩毒 You should see if she knows who sold her drugs.
我只是 我只是不 I just... I just don't...
我不喜欢我们分开行动这想法 I don't like the idea of us doing stuff separately.
不 你看 我们还是可以 No, look, we can still investigate
一起调查 together.
但只是 分开调查就没什么限制 It's just, you know, now it'll be an open thing.
你想要无拘束地调查 You want an open investigation?
我不知道是不是想要 I don't know if that's what I want.
好吗 我就觉得现在试试那样可能更好 All right? I just think it's healthy right now for us to try it.
好吧 Okay.
- 是吗 - 没问题 - Yeah? - Sure.
好的 那我们下次见了 Okay, so I guess I'll just catch you later, then.
你还好吧 You okay?
停下 现在休想抱我 No, you can't hug me right now.
你要点钱打车吗 Do you need money for a cab or anything?
不用 我不要钱 No, I don't need money for a cab.
行吧 Okay.
这他妈是在哪儿 I don't know where the fuck I am right now.
嘿 Lauren Hey, Lauren.
真想躺床上看一天<老友记> I just want to get in bed and watch friends all day.
给大都市州立大学队的欢呼声呢 Let's hear it for your metropolitan city state statesmen!
队员们上场了 And the statesmen take the field
开场赛对抗综合学院大学 for the opening game against the university of college generals.
准备 Ready?
还有个惊喜 And a surprise start today
临时队员 新生Brad Mcquaid 今天上场 for walk-on freshman Brad Mcquaid.
这新生看上去也够老了 Looks pretty old to be a freshman.
Bob 都是激素牛奶惹的祸 It's the hormones in the milk, Bob.
准备 开始 Ready? Set, hut!
Haythe回传 Haythe drops back.
Mcquaid接球 And connects with mcquaid!
防线溃不成军 Who beats safty will glock
跟我糖酥脆饼秘方中的鸡蛋白似的 like an egg white in my famous meringue recipe.
我擦 他这么厉害 Holy shit, he's good.
你们不许跟Mcquaid说他很厉害 None of you tell mcquaid that he's good, all right?
你们说了他就不呆咱这破队了 If you do, he'll leave this shitty program.
时间快到了 还剩最后一球 And as the clock ticks down, we've got time for one last play.
Haythe与Mcquaid又上演了一次精彩配合 Another perfect hookup between haythe and mcquaid.
你看他们在球门区的庆祝都这么同步 Even their end zone celebration is in perfect sync.
Bob这俩就像共用一个大脑似的 It's like these two share a single brain, Bob.
Jim 你说得对 他俩一人用一半 That's right, Jim. They both have one half a brain.
观众们都冲到了场上 And the crowd rushes the field
想把门柱给拆毁 to try and knock down a goalpost.
这是拆不掉的 It's not coming down!
祝你好运 Good luck, guys.
看来大都市州立大学有了一对强大的拍档 Looks like mc state's got a new power couple.
Zook和Mcquaid Zook and mcquaid!
我要过去 小伙子 I got to get around you, man.
我跳不了 脚踝坏了 I can't jump up. I got a broken ankle.
耶 Yeah!
操 耶 Fuck yes!
耶 最后一个 Yeah! One more!
你在吗
靠 Shit.
是谁啊 Who is that?
没什么 准备好了吗 Nothing. All right, ready?
来 Come on!
集中注意 Focus!
来 开始吧 Come on! Do it!
阿诺施瓦辛格 玩儿蛋去吧 Fuck you, Arnold Schwarzenegger!
太爽了 操 I'm so jammed! Fuck you!
门上挂袜子了 别进来 There's a sock on the door! Don't come in!
操 耶 Fuck, yeah!
我在和真妹子做爱呢 I'm having sex with a human woman.
操 My God! Fuck!
- 嘿 - 看啊 - Hey! - Look at you!
你们来干什么 What are you guys doing here?
你开玩笑么 这不家长周嘛 What? Are you kidding? It's parents weekend.
靠 Fuck.
真好 你有女朋友了 Wonderful. You're dating someone.
谢了 妈 听着 我们这是在卧底 好吗 Thanks, mom. Listen, we're undercover, okay?
- 谢谢 - 没关系 - Thank you. - No problem.
Doug Doug!
Maya Maya!
- 嘿 - 嗨 - Hey. - Hi.
这是我父母 These are my parents.
就是这姑娘吗 So this is the girl?
你好 我是Annie 也就是你未来婆婆 Hi. I'm Annie. I'm your new mother-in-law.
- 很高兴见到你 - 这哪能说 - Nice to meet you. - Worst thing to say.
- 你好 - 嘿 我是David - Hi. - Hey. David.
- 我爸 - 很高兴见到你 - My dad. - Nice to meet you.
好吧 我父母也来了 Well, my parents are here, too.
Maya 快来 Maya, hurry up!
你妈妈找到她想要的位置了 Your mama done found a table she want.
你怎么认识这人 How do you know this person?
爸 他就是Doug 我和他交往呢 Dad, this is Doug, a guy that I'm dating.
- 这逼 - 我 - The fuck? - I...
你学习怎么样 Doug How's your classes going, Doug?
你 我们只是在这附近 然后 You... we were just in the neighborhood, and...
我有个想法 不如我们坐下来谈吧 I have an idea. Why don't we all sit together?
一定很有意思啊 Would that be fun?
是的 谢谢 Yes, thank you.
那 So...
这天气你喜欢吗 Do you like weather?
你俩认识吗 You two know each other?
不认识 No.
这太不可思议了 这一切 This is crazy, all these, uh,
学生与家长 students and parents.
也有可能是目击证人 Potential witnesses.
你俩怎么认识的 How did you two meet?
哦 我喜欢听邂逅故事 Oh, I love meet-cute stories.
我们在诗歌比赛上遇到的 We met at a poetry slam,
然后他就尾随着我到了宿舍 and then he stalked me back to my dorm room.
- 尾随她 - 哦 真浪漫 - Stalked her? - Oh, that's so beautiful.
接着干什么了 Then what happened?
接着我们出去一起玩 看了电影 And then we hung out and we watched a movie.
实际上 我们看了好几遍是吧 Actually, we watched it a couple times.
太扯淡了 This is bullshit!
这他妈 服务员 This fucking... waiter!
就不能来给黑人倒点水喝吗 What can a black man do to get some water around here?
给这人倒点水 Give the fucking guy some water!
他是个黑人 这就够他受的了 He's black! He's been through a lot!
看在女儿的面子上 你冷静点行吧 For the sake of your daughter, please keep it together.
在我失控前我他妈得去吃个烤饼 I'm gonna need a motherfucking crepe before I go crazy.
马上回来 I'll be right back.
你们祖籍是哪儿的 So, where are you from originally?
我就是康普顿的 I'm straight outta Compton,
均为美国城市
我丈夫是北岭的 but my husband's from northridge.
来 伙计 给我打点 Come on, man, hook me up.
你这什么意思 发救济粮吗 What the fuck y'all doing? Y'all rationing around here?
快点 再来点 就他妈两根豆角啊 Come on, hook me up. Two little fucking string beans?
他妈把豆角给我 Give me the goddamn string beans.
我他妈还要煮鸡蛋 I want some fucking deviled eggs.
我还喜欢水果 你难道不喜欢吗 I like fruit. Don't you like fruit?
我喜欢水果 I like fruit.
这傻逼猪肉 滚蛋吧 But this pork shit? Got to go!
他气都撒到餐台去了 He's really taking it out on the omelet bar.
真他妈恶心 Shit was nasty!
他最近工作压力很大 He's under a lot of pressure at work.
怎么样 情圣 想去看电影吗 What's up, playa? Want to go to the movies?
我他妈打折你腿 打断你狗腿 I'll break your motherfucking legs! Break your legs!
看什么 What?
你好吗 植物先生 你他妈滚蛋吧 How you doing, Mr. Nice plant? Get your fucking ass in there.
你还要再来一瓶吗 我要去拿了 Hey, you want another beer? I'm gonna get another beer.
好 好 再来 Yeah, yeah, I'll do another.
嘿 听着 兄弟 Hey, look, man,
我们之间无话不谈 you know you can always tell me something
如果你有什么想一吐为快的 if you want to get it off your chest.
我随时都可以听你倾诉 You know I'm always here for you, right?
你想说什么 What are you trying to say?
没 没什么 No, nothing.
好吧 发生了那一切 All right, with everything that happened
Cynthia磕无限玩那样 with Cynthia and whyphy,
我不想你毁了你自己 I just don't want you to screw up.
你以为我自己没分寸吗 You don't think I know what I'm doing?
- 什么 - 我很清楚我在做什么 - What? - I know exactly what I'm doing here.
好吧 Okay.
我告诉件事 行吧 I'm gonna tell you something, all right?
- 能信任你吗 - 当然 - Can I trust you? - Yeah, of course.
我有个朋友认识大都市大学的人 I have a friend who knows a guy at umc.
他是个球探 他们是一级联赛的 He's a scout. It's d-I.
他们四分卫打得不好 Their qb, he's not playing well.
所以他们想改善一下 They're not happy with the situation.
他们要我录一段视频 They want me to make a tape.
我想让你和我一起录 And I want you to be on it with me.
就 就没了 Nothing else?
他们去年选了5个人 They had five guys in the draft last year.
Brad 我们也许能借此发迹啊 I mean, Brad, this could be our shot.
哥们 我们就像黄金搭档啊 We're like the dynamic duo, bro.
蝙蝠侠与罗宾 We're like Batman and Robin.
但我俩都是蝙蝠侠 But we're both Batman.
你以后想干嘛 股票经纪人吗 What do you want to be, like, a stockbroker?
还是当条子 Or a cop?
兄弟 你现在的极限在 Dude, your ceiling is, like,
这么高 so high.
但你能冲破你的极限 You can just bust right...
直冲上去 直冲上去 Just break right through it. Right through it.
直冲上去 直冲上去 Right through it. Right through it.
你真认为我能进大都市州立大学 You really think I could make it at umc?
哥们 你球星名人堂都能进 Dude, you could make it into the hall of fame.
别扯了 兄弟 那是你 No, dude, come on, that's you.
你都能进入橄榄球史册 You're gonna be in, like, the annals of football history.
兄弟 你也能出现在橄榄球史册的 Dude, you could make it into the annals of football history, too.
我们要超越前人 We're gonna have to tear those annals up.
好吧 我们他妈的要超越前人 All right. We're gonna fucking tear it up.
不就是录视频么 I mean, it's just a tape, right?
我他妈特别讨厌我爸 I fucking hate my dad so much.
你知道 Do you have any idea
有这么一个家伙成天对你 what it's like to have a guy like that
指手画脚的是什么感觉吗 telling you what to do all the time?
的确只能想象 I can only imagine.
我就不明白 I just don't understand
他对你到底哪里不满意 what his problem is with you specifically.
怎么样 "Doug"?
天啊 完全没道理啊 I don't... Jesus. That makes no sense to me.
我要宰了你 "Doug"
我是说 你多完美啊 I mean, you are a perfectly good guy.
你又诚实又善良 You're very honest and nice.
我爸怎么会有你电话 Why does my dad have your phone number?
不知道啊 也许从学校通讯录或哪儿查的吧 I don't know. Maybe the school directory or something.
我们来干点事吧 Let's do something...
来干点能分心的事 Let's do something that would distract us.
好吧 Okay.
我们就不用想着他了 So we don't have to think about him anymore.
等等 嗯 All right. Um...
Maya Maya.
我们就说说话好吗 Is it okay if we just talk?
可以啊 Okay.
那就说话吧 Let's talk.
- 不可能吧 - 对啊 - No way. - Yeah.
我当时演的是小飞侠 不过迟到了 I was Peter Pan, but then I was, like, late.
你和你哥关系挺好啊 You're really close with your brother, then.
- 看起来不错 - 是啊 - It seems like. - Yeah.
是啊 你知道 Yeah, you know...
橄榄球视频
兄弟 你真他妈牛逼 You're a fucking genius, dude.
- 你确定这不会太过了吗 - 不会 - Are you sure it's not too much, though? - No!
学生
运动员
- 耶 - 操 - Yeah! - Fuck, yeah!
- 是吧 - 是吧 - 耶 - 耶 All right? All right? Yeah. Yeah.
- 天亮了 兄弟 弄一整晚了 - 我知道 - All night, bro. Come on. All night. - Yeah, I know.
这一晚绝对值得 It's gonna be so worth it, dude.
这他妈肯定值得 我保证 It's gonna be fucking worth it, I promise, all right?
兄弟 你知道还缺点什么吗 Dude, you know what this needs?
再来点星星特效 Another star wipe.
见鬼 请我喝酒 Jinx. Buy me a beer.
圆得不错啊 Nice twist.
什么 On what?
我们竟然这么谈了一宿 I can't believe we've been talking all night.
天啊 都8点了 我还要上课呢 Oh, my God, it's 8:00. I have class, actually.
好吧 Okay.
你要什么自己尽管拿就好 Yeah, you can help yourself to whatever you need, and...
好的 All right.
很抱歉啊 这个 Yeah, I'm so sorry, this...
再见吧 I'll see you.
再见 I'll see you later.
这一晚真开心 Okay. Best night ever.
好的 拜 Okay. Bye.
拜 Bye.
你在那儿多久了 How long have you been there?
久到你都不敢想 Like, the longest amount of time you could think of right now.
那些不是说给你听的 This stuff wasn't meant for you.
我们是想私下说的 It was meant to be private.
那 我是不是应该坐在这儿 So, am I supposed to just sit here and not act like
假装没听出你任何毛病 I hear every one of your problems?
你毛病不少 但装嫩不算 You got 99 problems, but being young isn't one.
你嫉妒我和Maya的亲密关系 You're just jealous because Maya and I have a real connection.
我和我爷爷也很亲密 I'm pretty close with my grandpa, too.
你比Cynthia还要糟糕 You're more messed up than Cynthia was,
她一周去看三次心理医生 and she went to the school shrink three times a week.
- 为什么啊 - 不知道 - Why? - I don't know.
他给她一大堆药 But he gave her a ton of pills and shit.
也许也能开点药治治你这老脸 Maybe he could give you something for your weird old face.
好吧 Okay.
- 嘿 - 你迟到了 - Hey. - You're late.
没 实际上我刚在忙调查呢 No, actually, I was busy with the investigation.
这是Cynthia心理医生办公室 这才是我们的调查 This is Cynthia's therapist's office. This is our investigation.
行了 All right.
你看门 Watch the door.
我就只能干这个是吧 看这傻逼门 Oh, is that all I'm good for? Just watching a fucking door?
找到了 Got it.
患者呈现出药物引起的妄想症 "Patient exhibits drug-induced paranoia.
你在哪儿
马上就到 我这弟弟从不给我省事儿
患者认为自己生命受到威胁 "Believes her life is in danger."
门 门开了 Uh, door, door.
嘿 Hey.
没人告诉我 9点有预约啊 I wasn't told that I had a 9:00 A.M. Session.
嗯 对 我们就是约的9点 Yeah, no, we're your 9:00 A.M. That's us.
我们好了 And we're cured.
非常感谢你 你真是妙手回春啊 Thank you very much. You're an amazing doctor.
拜托 你们以为自己是第一对 Please. You think you're the first partners
一见到我就想跑路的基友(拍档)吗 only to try to run when you're first faced with talking with me?
你他妈怎么看出来我俩是拍档(基友) How the fuck did you know we were partners?
他不知道啊 He doesn't know we're partners.
我怀疑你们就是基友(拍档) I suspect you're partners.
一段关系需要双方的努力维系 A relationship is something that requires constant work.
我以为我们高中就懂这个道理了 Which is what I thought we learned in high school.
这么说你们高中就好上了 So you are high school sweethearts.
我一早就看出来了 I picked up on that early.
继续说吧 Please, continue the dialogue.
医生 Doc.
我就是觉得有时候 I just feel like sometimes
他根本就不想继续了 he's not even trying anymore.
好像这段感情根本不值得挽留 Like this isn't even worth saving.
哦 好 有时我只是觉得 Oh, okay. Well, sometimes I feel like
我们应该像Yang俩兄弟一样 that we should be more like the yangs.
或者我应该学学你的漂亮Zook Or maybe I should be more like your beautiful zook.
- 哦 去你妈的 - 去你妈的 - Oh, go fuck yourself! - You go fuck yourself.
- 好了 - 你太自私了 - Okay. - You're so selfish.
- 好了 骂够了吧 - 哦 天啊 - All right. That's a lot of fucking. - Oh, my God.
有时我觉得让咨询者做一些肢体接触会比较好 sometimes I like to have the participants make physical contact.
你们握着手吧 Why don't you hold hands?
- 好的 - 我不干 - Okay. - I'm not doing that.
- 嗯 - 你看 - Hmm? - Do you see?
把手伸出来 Reach out your hand.
我 I'm...
他已经把手伸出来了 He's literally reaching out for you.
他不会牵我手的 He won't hold my hand.
我不要 I'm not doing it.
我需要你这么做 I kind of need you to do it.
- 他不会和我牵手的 - 哦 你 - He won't hold my hand. - Oh, you...
得十指相扣才算 You got to interlock it, though.
没十指相扣 就不算牵手 If you don't interlock it, it's not hand-holding.
好 Fine.
我们还是当普通朋友吧 We might as well just be friends
不要当拍档(基友)了 and not partners.
好 很好 Nice, right?
你看 这个关系很牢固 Okay, you see this? This is strong.
我想要的是这个 What I want to be able to have is this.
这个 Is this...
我想要我们既关系牢固 又 I want to be able to have that, that same thing, in, like
又不需要真牵着 without actually having to do it.
你觉得你基友(拍档)丢脸是吗 Are you embarrassed of your partner?
没 一点都没 好吗 No, not at all. Okay?
你俩为何联合起来对付我 And why the fuck are you guys ganging up on me?
我们对付他 好吗 真的 Gang up on him. Okay, seriously.
- 行 行 - 他很粘人 - Okay, okay. - He's clingy.
他还很怕自己一个人 He literally is terrified of being by himself.
听着 我知道Zook是你兄弟 Look, I know zook's your buddy
你也不愿意相信他有罪 and you don't want him to be guilty,
但他就是我们要找的 but he's our guy.
不 他不是我们要找的 我知道 No, he's actually not our guy. I would know.
知道吗 我们有时就是会 Now, you know, we sometimes cling to things
缠着自己熟悉和舒适的东西 because they're familiar and comfortable.
我课上教过一个准则 叫主观介入 I teach about a principle called embedding.
- 你看清楚点吧 - 事实上 - Look at the facts. - Matter of fact, I...
Zook有纹身 他认识Cynthia Zook has the tattoo. He knew Cynthia.
第一次你们碰面时 我就知道 I know the first time he met you,
那次你三明治掉他鞋上了 you dropped a fucking sandwich on his foot
他还对你笑了 and he smiled at you,
但你对事实视而不见 but you are completely blind to the fact...
- 你说什么入 - 主观介入吗 - What'd you say embedding was? - Embedding?
主观介入就是我们倾向于死死抓着 Oh, embedding is our tendency to latch on to
最开始得到的一点点信息 the first bit of information that we're offered
而轻视 甚至完全忽视 与之相反的那些信息 and overlooking, or even ignoring, contradictory information.
这个准则很棒 It's a fascinating principle...
闭嘴 我在思考 Shut up. I'm thinking.
你认为有可能吗 You think it's possible that
我们介入了 we embedded?
什么 当时我们喝醉了还是怎么 What, like when we were drunk or something?
- 我们互"入"了吗 - 好吧 我要推荐 - We embedded each other? - Okay. I'm gonna recommend...
好了 你出去吧 Okay, you can leave the room.
你赶紧滚蛋吧 Just get the fuck out.
滚蛋滚蛋 你长耳朵了 Get the fuck out. You heard him.
这神转折 This took a turn.
1 2 One, two...
好吧 真有效 Okay. Yep. Good session.
我们第一次看到Cynthia买无限玩的照片 The first time we saw the photo of Cynthia buying whyphy
Dickson说"这家伙就是毒贩子" dickson said, "This guy's the dealer."
我们所有的调查和推断都是基于这个事实 Everything we've done and thought has been based on that fact,
但如果Dickson错了呢 but what if dickson was wrong?
我们忽略了其他所有线索 And we've ignored all the other clues.
如果Cythia不是买家呢 What if Cynthia wasn't the buyer?
如果Cynthia才是那个毒贩 What if Cynthia was the dealer?
警长 我们有非常 Captain, we have something really,
非常重要的事要说 really important to tell you about.
警长 Captain?
你穿的是防弹衣吗 Are you wearing kevlar?
先生们 咱们不要在这儿揣着明白 Now, gentlemen, we're not gonna sit here and pretend
装他妈的糊涂了 there's not a big-ass elephant in the room.
怎么回事 What the fuck is going on?
这么回事 This is what the fuck is going on.
我操 我操 Oh, shit! Oh, shit!
我操 不是吧 Oh, shit! No!
这不是真的 不是吧 That is not happening right now! No!
嘿 伙计们 他上了警长的女儿 Hey, y'all, he's fucking the captain's daughter! Yo!
他每说一遍 Every time he say that shit...
我操 Oh, my fuck!
我他妈的就猛踹你一脚 ...that's another foot in your ass.
Schmidt 你简直是 你他妈太屌了 Schmidt, you clearly... Yo, this is the best thing ever!
Schmidt上了警长的女儿 Schmidt fucked the captain's daughter!
操 我操 Shit! Fuck!
你上了dickson警长的女儿 You fucked captain dickson's daughter?
警长 我 Captain, what the...
你还当着他的面显摆来着 You bragged to him to his face.
就对着他的脸 警长 To his actual face. Captain...
你懂吗 就是这张脸 Do you understand that this face right here,
你对着这张脸显摆来着 you bragged to that face?
你还跟schmidt击掌 因为他上了你的女儿 You actually high-fived schmidt for fucking your daughter.
我了个去 Holy shit!
我的天啊 这 Oh, my God! This is...
其实没有那么好笑 It's really not that funny.
我只想说一下 I just want to say that
挺奇怪的你居然没跟我们说 it was bizarre not to share the fact
你女儿也在大都市州立大学 that your daughter went to mc state.
奇怪的是 I think it's bizarre
我现在还没把你给阉了 that I haven't cut your motherfucking nuts off.
你让警长现在给你脸一拳怎么样 What if captain gets to punch you in the face one time,
非常非常狠的一拳 really, really, really hard?
不 Nah.
我有更好的主意 I got something way better than that.
你认为Cynthia是那个毒贩 You think Cynthia was the dealer?
毒贩都死了 How the fuck we gonna
我们还他妈的怎么查案 infiltrate the dealer if the dealer is dead?
我们不能照搬 We have to stop treating this
上一次的策略了 like it's exactly the same as last time.
我们还有一个更大的问题 预算花没了 And we got a bigger problem. No more money in the budget.
什么 我以为我们有凯特布兰切特呢 What? I thought we had Cate Blanchett.
凯特布兰切特 Cate Blanchett?
是啊 我以为我们的预算有凯特布兰切特 Yeah, I thought we had Cate Blanchett with the budget.
是 无预算限制 You mean "Carte blanche."
就是这个 That one.
现在就是这样 傻帽 Welcome back, dum-dum.
我们以前是有 现在没了 We did have carte blanche. Not no more.
你得到了豪华跑车 You got that expensive chase in the beginning,
高端设备 还有这该死的办公室 that expensive equipment, this fucking office...
跟钢铁侠似的 都得花钱的 This look like some shit iron man would have. Shit's expensive!
我穿了800刀的鞋 你却看都看不到 I got on $800 shoes, and you can't even see the motherfuckers.
你们俩个现在已经被我盯上了 So now you two motherfuckers is in the crosshairs.
我警告你们 I'm warning you,
找到供货的 find the supplier,
但是不要再花一分钱 but don't cost the department no more money.
关于Zook的事我道歉 Look, I apologize about the Zook thing.
你是对的 他不是毒贩 You were right, he's not the dealer.
好吧 真不错 你道歉了 Okay, great. You apologized.
那又能怎么样 What's that worth, man?
现在我们没有线索了 该怎么办 Now we have no leads. What are we supposed to do now?
办警察该办的 Police work.
我去 Fuck.
别朝我扔死人用过的自慰棒 Don't throw a fucking dead person's dildo at me.
我们现在在工作好吗 We're at work right now, okay?
现在还哪有人看纸质书了 对吗 Kids don't check out books anymore, right?
我觉得现在根本没人看书了 I don't even think they know how to read.
- 图书馆 - 放书的地方 - Library. - Book place.
图书馆 Library.
供货人把毒品 The supplier is putting drugs
放进图书馆的书里 inside the books in the library,
一个完全没有人会去的地方 where literally no one goes anymore, man.
只有毒贩会去那里 And the dealers check out the books.
我们就能抓住供货人了 We're going to catch the supplier.
- 你知道这有多酷吗 - 等下 一秒钟 - Do you realize how cool... - Wait, one sec, one sec.
什么事 哥们 What's up, dude?
嘿 你在哪 Hey, dude, where are you?
我们已经在热身了 比赛马上就开始了 We're warming up. The game's about to start.
好 呃 听着 我马上要 All right, man. Um, look, I'm just gonna...
我这就去 I'm coming.
好 一会见 All right, later.
你要干什么 不要丢下我一个人 What are you doing? Don't leave me hanging.
我必须得去 不然就露馅了 Dude, I got to go or I'm gonna blow my cover, okay?
你一个人可以的 我两小时后回来 You can do this alone. I'll be back in two hours.
你可以的 You got this.
你吓到我了 You scared me.
名字 号码 名字 号码 State name! Number! State name! Number!
颜色 颜色 号码 Color! Color! Number!
就是这里 This is the place.
如果有人想跟我们合作 You'd think if somebody wants to show us their operation,
至少应该准时吧 they'd at least be on time.
看看这些破烂 哼 Look at this crap. Huh?
- 真是怀念 - 该死 - I do miss the days... - Shit.
- 他在这儿干什么 - 人们嗑普通毒品的时候 What's he doing here? - ...When people did normal drugs.
速来图书馆 我躲在书架里 幽魂在这儿
这是什么 软糖 What is this? Jelly beans?
扯淡 Crap!
开始 Set, hut!
Mcquaid反跑 Mcquaid crosses in an end-around.
是假动作 这俩人的配合简直天衣无缝 It's a trick play! These two are practically interchangeable.
Mcquaid把球传给了Haythe Mcquaid throws down the field to Haythe.
触地得分 And he hangs on for the touchdown!
这俩人简直一个豆荚里的两个豆 Bob These two are peas in a pod, Bob,
不过不是绿豆子 but instead of little green balls,
而是人类橄榄球手 they are human football players.
你丫无视我吗
为大都市州立大学的黄金搭档再次欢呼吧 Let's hear it once again, mc state, for your dynamic duo.
该死 我弟弟又找我了 Oh, shit. My brother needs me again.
听着 你知道 忠诚真的挺酷 Look, you know, loyalty's cool,
我很钦佩 and I admire it,
我知道他是你弟弟 and I know he's your brother.
但是你不能一直迁就他 But you can't allow yourself to be held down by a guy
就因为他不肯放手 just because he won't let go.
是 呃 Yeah. Um...
我去趟厕所 I gotta take a piss.
这帮小孩让我们在这儿苦等实在太没礼貌了 The kid's pretty rude to make us wait like this.
你能不能闭嘴 Can you shut it?
90年代那些经典毒品有什么不好 What's wrong with those classic drugs from the '90s?
海洛因 可卡因 Heroin, you know, cocaine...
- 嘿嘿 - 哇哦 - Hey, hey. - Whoa. Shit.
- 我来了 你高兴了吧 - 嘘 - I'm fucking here. You happy? - Shh!
幽魂就在那儿 好吗 The ghost is right there, okay?
他来这儿要与供货人见面 He's about to meet up with the supplier.
- 嘿 看看那块怎么回事 - 你小声点 Hey. Check that out. - You shush.
你才是大声的那个 你太他妈吵了 You're the one fucking talking. You're being so fucking loud.
你他妈的闭嘴 You shut the fuck up.
- 你们干什么呢 - 该死 - What's going on here? - Shit!
呃 Um...
你打断了一场超赞的口活 You're interrupting a really stellar blow job.
哦 天哪 我刚高潮了 Oh, fuck, I just came so hard!
到底怎么回事儿 What the hell is going on?
没事 就是一对死基佬 It's okay. It's just a couple of faggots.
嘿 你 你说什么 Hey, yo, what the fuck did you just say?
你叫我们死基佬 Did you just call us "Faggots"?
他说你在给他吹箫 He said you were sucking his dick.
现在都2014年了混蛋 It's 2014, asshole.
不能再用死基佬了 You can't fucking use "Faggot."
同志可以 同性恋还凑合吧 "Gay" Is okay. "Homosexual," Maybe.
如果是认识的人 And if you know the person,
你或许可以叫他们基佬 you might be able to call them a "Queer."
如果他们有很强的幽默感 但我没有 If they have a great sense of humor, but I don't.
抱歉 他上了门人类性学的课 I'm sorry, he took one human sexuality class,
就把自己当哈维米尔克 he thinks he's Harvey Milk.
美国著名同性恋维权人士
哦我的天 你能不能 Oh, my God. Will you please,
就这一次 挺我一回 just for once, just back me up?
你怎么就不能用用脑子 Why can't you just use your head for once?
哦 你想让我用脑子吗 好啊 Oh. You want me to use my head? Fine.
哦耶 怎么样 王八蛋们 Oh, yeah, what's up now, motherfuckers?
还记得我吗 You remember me?
我是你最好的一晚 I'm your best night...
我是你最可怕的噩梦 I'm your worst nightmare.
哦 伙计 我的记忆力 Oh, man, it's my memory.
最近越来越差 It's getting worse lately.
你是那个警察吗 Are you the police?
就是我 你们这群王八蛋被捕了 Yeah, that's right. And you motherfuckers are all under arrest.
你的枪在哪 Where's your gun?
- 什么 - 你有枪吗 - What? - Do you have guns?
没有 No.
我没有 No, I don't.
但是我们有 'Cause we have guns.
为什么不把枪放下 我们像男人一样打一架 Well, why don't you put your guns down, and let's fight like men?
因为咱有枪 Because we have guns.
- Schmidt 跑 - 抓住他 - Schmidt, run! - Get him!
快 快快快 Go! Go, go. Go!
我操 Shit!
这能有多难 打他们 How hard can it be? Shoot them!
操操操 Fuck, fuck, fuck!
用枪打他们 用枪打他们 Shoot them! Shoot them!
快 这边 这样更快 Come on, this way, it's faster.
不 到这边 Schmidt Schmidt No, just come this... Schmidt! Schmidt!
快点行吗 Hurry up, okay?
Schmidt 你能不能快点 Schmidt, will you hurry up!
别喊了 你分散了我的注意力 Stop yelling at me! You're distracting me!
Schmidt 快 我们走 Schmidt, come on! Let's go!
我跳不了 我他妈的不是蜘蛛侠 I can't jump down! I'm not, like, fucking spider-man!
我去找辆车 I'm gonna get the car.
走楼梯快多了 Stairs are so much faster.
这就是你说的车 That's the car you got?
我很抱歉不是兰博基尼 闭嘴上车 I'm sorry it's not a fucking lambo. Shut up and get in.
他们还在追我们吗 Are they even still chasing us?
是 他们还在追我们 Yes, they're still chasing us!
你为什么要那样 我们差点就抓住他们了 Why did you do that? We were about to catch the supplier.
你到底是怎么回事 What's wrong with you?
听着 如果你不站出来说点什么 Look, if you don't say something,
歧视就永远不会消失 people will never stop discriminating.
你能不能想想办法 Will you please do something
这车是在是太慢了 about how slow this thing's going?
哦该死 小心 小心 Oh, shit! Watch out, watch out!
那车就像个小头盔 That is just like a little helmet machine.
我们不能再损坏任何东西了 We can't destroy any more stuff!
我们不能再浪费部里一分钱 We can't waste any more of the department's money!
注意那个取款机 Watch out for that cash machine!
哇哦 Whoo!
走哪边 哪边 哪边 Which way? Which way? Which way?
便宜的那边 Whichever way's cheaper!
右边 你走了右边 Right? You went right?
左边明明是停车场 You could've gone in a parking lot,
你却开到了雕塑花园 you went to the sculpture garden?
你这道这得有多贵吗 Do you know how expensive that's gonna be?
靠 Shit!
他们好像故意在撞似的 It's like they're trying to hit 'em or something.
这看起来很刺激 I mean, it looks cool,
但是实在是太浪费了 but, I mean, it's just so wasteful.
他们把一切都毁了 They're destroying everything!
警长会杀了我们 Captain's gonna kill us!
我们怎么办 What are we gonna do?
好吧 我们在机器人实验室甩掉他们 All right, we're gonna lose 'em in the robotics lab.
什么 What?
哦 不 我们把所有的都撞坏了 Oh, no! Oh, we broke everything!
里边有好多贵重物品 There was a lot of expensive stuff in there!
哦 该死 Oh, shit!
他们进到体育馆里面了 They're going into the stadium!
听着Schmidt 我要跟你说点事 Listen, schmidt, I gotta tell you something.
他们要给我 I got offered a scholarship
这里的橄榄球奖学金 to play football here next year.
Zook说我们还可以做室友 And zook said I could room with him, you know,
所以我在考虑 或许我可以 so I was thinking that I could do that, maybe.
什么 你不能一边当警察 What? You can't be a cop
一边在这里跟Zook玩橄榄球 and stay here and play football with zook.
不 听着 我知道 只是 No, look, I know, okay? It's just...
我和Zook超合拍 我们几乎就是一个人 There's no friction with me and zook. We're the same.
你想退出吗 如果你想退出那就说出来 Do you want out? If you want out, just say it.
不 我不是想退出 No, I don't want out, okay?
只是 当我站在球场上 It's just, when I'm on the football field
冲去接球的时候 我感觉我可以飞 and I'm diving for a pass, I feel like I can fly.
你懂吗 当我和你在一起的时候 All right? And when I'm with you,
感觉你在拖我后腿 it just feels like you hold me down.
我希望你能跟我一起飞 I just wish you could fly with me.
州立大学队胜出 34-14 And the statesmen win, 34-14.
粉丝们奔向球场 And there go the fans onto the field.
Jenko Jenko!
天啊 Jesus Christ!
- 哥们 刹车失灵了 - 什么 - Dude, the brakes are out. - What?
快他妈的闪开 Get the fuck out of the way!
你必须跳 必须跳 快跳 You gotta jump. You gotta jump, jump, jump!
不 No.
操 Fuck!
我们走吧 老板 我们得走了 Let's go, boss. We gotta go.
你做到了 耶 You did it! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
你被捕了 You're under arrest, sir.
嘿 我是警察 Hey, I'm an officer, all right?
把我抓走 我一会儿解释 Just take me in. I'll explain later.
不不 嘿 他是个学生 他什么也没做 No, no, no. Hey, he's a student. He didn't do anything.
等下等下 你要干什么 你要干什么 Wait, wait. What are you doing? What are you doing?
我 呃 I, um...
我替你决定了 I decided for you.
继续打球吧 Just stick with football.
我给不了他们带给你的感觉 I can't give you the same feeling that these guys can.
也许我们注定要分开 Maybe we were only supposed to do this once.
什么 What?
伙计 这是我人生中最棒的一刻 Dude, this is the fucking best moment of my life!
来吧兄弟们 Let's go, man!
Mcquaid Mcquaid Mcquaid Mcquaid! Mcquaid! Mcquaid!
嘿 玛娅安杰洛 真谢谢你骗了我 Hey, Maya Angelou! Thanks for lying to me.
兰博基尼太赞了 Lam-bros! Yes!
Brad mcquaid Brad mcquaid Brad mcquaid! Brad mcquaid!
Brad mcquaid Brad Brad mcquaid! Brad...
- 你好吗先生 - 很好 谢谢 - How are we doing tonight, sir? - Good, thanks.
是在等人吗 还是自己 Are we waiting on anybody or you dining alone?
可能有人会来 但是我们可以 Someone may swing by, but we can...
可以先点菜 We can order without them.
我们已经找到并逮捕了Karl Murphy博士 We have identified and arrested one Dr. Karl Murphy,
在他的办公室里找到了大量无限玩 who was found with whyphy residue throughout his office...
并和死者有着密切的私人关系 ...and had a close personal relationship with the deceased.
跟近期发生在高中的那一起一模一样 Exactly like a case we had recently at a high school.
大都市州立大学无限玩毒品案已侦破
一模一样 Exactly the same.
本案已破 The case is closed.
你离开学校之后要做什么 You know, like, what you're gonna do after you're out of here?
这里不允许扔石头 You're not supposed to throw rocks.
什么 What?
这里不允许扔石头 You're not supposed to throw rocks.
*我丝毫不想你* *I ain't missing you at all*
*自从你离开* *Since you've been gone away*
一人份龙虾 the lobster for one person.
只要一人份 Enough for one person only.
*无论朋友们怎么说* *No matter what my friends say*
我发现了无限玩案里的一些问题 I found something in this whyphy case that caught my attention.
滚出我的办公室 Get the fuck out of my office.
- 长官 你还没 - 我们已经抓住了那个人 - Sir, you don't... We caught the guy.
耶 耶 Yeah! Yeah!
嘿 除了健身今天你还想干点别的不 Hey, you want to do anything else other than work out today?
比如呢 Like what?
来吧 哥们 这是龙虾 哥们 Come on, dude. They're just lobsters, dude.
来吧 别害怕 Come on. No, don't be afraid.
他来抓你的脸啦 抓你的脸啦 It's gonna claw your face. It's gonna claw your face.
我们下半辈子 会一直这样下去 It's gonna be like this, dude, for the rest of our lives.
*今晚在电话的这边* *Down this long distance line tonight*
*我丝毫不想你* *I ain't missing you at all*
*自从你离开* *Since you've been gone away*
*我丝毫不想你* *I ain't missing you at all*
*无论朋友们怎么说* *No matter what my friends say*
*丝毫不想你* *Ain't missing you*
- 嘿 - 嘿 - hey. - Hey.
你来这儿干嘛 What are you doing here?
就是来看看你 Just came to see how you are.
我非常好 I'm doing fucking great.
从来没这么快乐过 I'm the happiest I've ever been,
我一个人过得很好 so I'm just having a great time with myself.
你过得好我很开心 I'm glad you're having a good time with yourself.
我是个单飞的艺术家 就像碧昂斯 I'm a solo artist now, like Beyonce.
碧昂斯最初以二人组合真命天女出道
曾经拥有过另外一个 I used to have the other
真命天女 但是我现在 destiny's children, but now I'm just, uh,
是个孤独的巨星 a lone superstar.
为你高兴 Happy for you.
一个美棕肤色的公主 拥有美好梦想和甜美嗓音 Just a light-skinned princess with a dream and an amazing voice.
真不错 That's great.
你怎么样 How are you?
我很好 I'm pretty great.
我就是特别酷 你知道Zook多酷 I just chill and... You know how chill Zook is.
Zook是特酷 Zook's such a chill guy.
像块冰似的 Just like ice.
这真是让我替你高兴 That makes me so happy for you.
我只是想说 So, look, I just wanted to say that, like,
我一直在想这个案子 I was thinking about the case,
我担心他们抓错了人 and I was worried that they got the wrong guy for it.
我也不认为他是那个人 I don't think he's the guy, either.
真的 Yeah?
我查了查幽魂 I looked into the ghost's background,
我发现他给一个州立大学的学生交学费 and I saw that he pays tuition for a student at mc state.
你觉得幽魂是供货人的爸爸 You think the ghost could be the supplier's dad?
有可能 Maybe.
这是一条好线索 Okay, that's a pretty good piece of information.
谢谢 Thank you.
我听说无限玩又卷土重来了 Well, I heard whyphy's coming back in a big way.
有人要带一堆这玩意 Someone's bringing a shit-ton of that stuff
去墨西哥渡春假 down to puerto, Mexico, for spring break.
如果成了 无限玩将会像病毒一样席卷 And if that happens, whyphy is going viral.
全国每所大学 It's gonna be at every college in the country.
我觉得我的消息更给力 I think my information was stronger.
如果 如果你愿意 Look, if you... If you want to,
我们可以一起去看看 we could go down there.
作为搭档一起 Like together?
我们不一定非要下个定义 We don't have to put a label on it.
只是这一次 只这一次 Just, like, one-time. One-time thing.
彼此不需要承诺 不给对方压力 No big commitment or stress to each other.
念在旧情的份上再合作一次 Just like one-time for all-the-time sake.
那你的学校 橄榄球 美好新生活呢 What about school and football and your wonderful new life?
我放假了 I have time off.
我在放春假 I'm on spring break.
太爽了 Cool tingling.
还有地方放一个这个吗 Got room for one of these babies.
手榴弹 为什么要放在那儿 A grenade. Why you gonna put it there?
太不卫生了 That's just unsanitary.
感觉很棒 Feels right.
漏了一块 Missed a spot.
你知道 只是这一次 对吗 You know this is just a one-time thing, right?
我知道 I know.
所以你不会因为这一次就想太多 So you're not gonna be weird about this?
好 Okay.
完美 Perfect.
放春假了 小婊砸 Spring break, motherfucker.
- 你没看见我先出来的吗 - 好狗不挡道 - Did you not see that I was going first? - Excuse you.
- 好狗不挡道 - 你要先走吗 - Excuse you. - You want to go first?
春假 小婊砸 Spring break, motherfuckers!
*我潜在人群中* *I be divin' in the crowd*
*抖掉恐惧 抖到癫狂* *Shake my dreads, actin' wild*
*无法倾斜 太劲爆* *Can't do lean, too blowed out*
*火力全开 无法熄灭* *Too turnt up, I can't turn down*
*无法熄灭 无法熄灭* *Can't turn down can't turn down*
*无法熄灭* *Can't turn down*
嘿 Hey.
*我只想参加派对* *All I wanna do is party*
*我的头不停转* *My head keep on spinning around*
*美女 为什么你不先* *Baby girl, why don't you first*
*把它扔到地上* *Drop it to the ground*
*我潜在人群中* *I be divin' in the crowd*
*抖掉恐惧 抖到癫狂* *Shake my dreads, actin' wild*
*无法倾斜 太劲爆* *Can't do lean, too blowed out*
*火力全开 无法熄灭* *Too turnt up, I can't turn down*
*无法熄灭 无法熄灭* Can't turn down can't turn down
我的天 我都出汗了 my gosh! I'm sweaty.
你们真的在这里吃东西 You guys are actually eating stuff in here?
太疯狂了 That's so crazy.
哥们 把你老二拿开 Come on, man, put your dick away.
把你老二拿开 Put your fucking dick away.
楼上 楼上 我们走 Upstairs, upstairs. Let's go.
计划是这样的 Okay, so here's the plan.
我们要让所有孩子在春假对无限玩上瘾 We're gonna get all these kids at spring break hooked on whyphy.
然后你们把它带回校园 Then you're gonna bring it back to your turf,
全部买光 and you're gonna sell the shit out of it.
全部卖光 看见了吗 "Sell shit out of it." Do you see that?
如果你们出卖我 And if you rat me out,
记住我陷害了我心理老师 就因为他给我B减 I framed my psych prof just for giving me a b-minus.
他现在在监狱里 所以别惹我 He's in jail now, so don't fuck with me.
我们要建立全国性网络 We're gonna build a nationwide network.
什么 你他妈干什么呢 安静 What? What the fuck are you doing? Be quiet.
你为什么不卖经典的毒品 Why don't you sell those old classic drugs
90年代的可卡因 海洛因 from the '90s, like cocaine, heroin and...
爸爸 那些就像是老年人专用毒品 Dad, those are, like, old-people drugs.
像<黄金女郎>里面老女人吃的 That's, like, what they did on the golden girls.
九十年代喜剧 讲述四个老姐妹室友的故事 布兰奇为剧中人物
比如 布兰奇就嗑海洛因 Like, blanche did heroin.
好吧 我就坐在这儿保持安静 All right, I'll just sit here and be silent.
布兰奇从来不嗑海洛因 Blanche never did heroin.
Yang 你俩来顶替我死了的室友的位置 Okay, so, Yangs, you'll take my dead roommate's spot.
酷 好 Cool. Dope.
你们是在逗我吗 你们是不是嗨了 Are you kidding me, yangs? Are you fucking high?
当然 是 我是 Of course. Yeah, I am.
我的天啊 你从来没有听说过 Jesus Christ, have you ever heard of,
永远不嗑自己手里的货 "Don't get high on your own supply"?
我们没有 没 We didn't. Nah.
我没那么做 I didn't do that.
是 我嗑他的 他嗑我的 Yeah, I used his and he used mine.
好 那我现在只能拿你们俩杀鸡儆猴了 Okay, well, now I have to make a fucking example out of you.
那是把枪 耶 That's a gun. Yeah.
谁先来 Who first?
- 你想先来吗 - 我不想死 - You want to go first? - I don't want to die.
你死 我不想死 You die... I don't want to die.
- 你想剪刀石头布吗 - 剪刀石头布 - You want to do rock paper scissors? - Rock paper scissors?
- 我们一向如此 - 我们一向如此 - That's how we'll do it. - That's how we'll do it.
操 Fuck.
没完没了 Yeah, we won't figure this out.
- 我把你们俩一起崩了 - 亲爱的 - I'll shoot both of you. - Darling.
如果你要经营家族产业 If you're going into the family business,
你自己一定要清清白白 you will have to have a clean record.
所以我们雇这些人替你做这件事 That's why we have these guys to do it for us.
哦 操 见鬼 Oh, fuck. Jinx.
我们必须马上行动 We got to move right now.
在天堂给我买瓶可乐 又见鬼了 Buy me a coke in heaven. Jinx again.
把枪放下 他妈的放下 Put your guns down! Fucking guns down!
Doug Doug?
我不叫Doug 我叫Schmidt My name's not Doug, it's Schmidt.
没想到吧 我们是警察 And guess what, we're cops.
哦 我的天啊 Oh, my God.
- 是啊 所有人都知道 - 真的吗 - Yeah, everybody knows. - Really?
你俩长的就跟演叫<夏威夷老爹>的警匪剧似的 You guys look like the stars of a cop show called Hawaiian dads.
行了 已经够了 小伙子们 给我上 All right, enough is enough. Boys, move in!
- 我们还有人呀 - 耶 - Oh, do we have company? - Yeah!
- 把你枪放下 - 你先放下 - Drop your guns. - Drop yours first.
我们的枪比你的多多了 把枪放下 We have way more guns than you. Drop your fucking guns.
好吧说的有道理 Okay, that's a good point.
这就是你的整个计划 I mean, was this really your entire plan?
没带后援就敢来 Coming in here with no backup?
要是我们有一个更缜密的计划呢 Or maybe we had a far more elaborate plan. Mmm-hmm.
也许我的搭档兜里有追踪装置 Maybe my partner has a tracking device in his pocket right now.
也许 什么 May... what?
那该死的追踪器在你的啊 我没有 You had the fucking tracking device. I don't have it.
你就负责这一件事儿 That's the one fucking thing you were supposed to remember.
你聪明 你负责追踪器 You're the smart person. You do the tracking device shit.
那是你的领域 我负责打架等等 That's your domain. I do the physical shit.
你知道吗 有时候我可能拖了你的后腿 You know what, I may drag you down sometimes,
但是每一次只有你有机会做蠢事 but every possible time you can do something dumb,
你就一定能做出最蠢的事 you do the dumbest possible thing.
不 最蠢的事是 No, the fucking dumbest possible thing
让两个警察在这儿叨叨叨 is letting two cops blah-blah-blah
而其他警察借机埋伏好把他们一网打尽 while other cops are getting in position to bust their shit in.
哦 所以你是说追踪器在我这儿 Oh, so you mean I brought the tracking device.
是啊 怎么样 哈 Yeah. What's up now, huh?
吵得跟真的似的 That seemed like such a real argument.
这是临场发挥的 贱人 That's improv, bitch.
行动 Move!
放你的春假去吧蠢货 Spring break yourself, fool.
我们跳跳街专门瞄老二 We shoot dicks off here in jump street.
我们也在这儿 We're here, as well.
我们是跳跳街少年队 我们要把你们屁股打开花 We jump street, and we about to jump in yo' ass.
正对股沟 Right in the crack.
别动 电锯狂人 Don't do it, leatherface.
他把毒品拿走了 He's got the drugs!
这简直太无聊了 都没人中枪 This is so boring. No one's getting shot.
哦 我的天啊 Oh, my God.
我是不是刚说完你就中枪了 Did you just get shot, like, right after I fucking said that?
我能用你的枪吗 你的更大 Can I have your gun? It's bigger.
站住 否则我打你屁眼 Stop! I'll shoot you in the ass!
爸爸 Dad!
Maya Maya?
你在这儿干什么 What are you doing here?
这是枪战 This is a shoot-out.
你知道枪战有什么后果吗 You know what happens in a shoot-out.
他们总是劫持女孩儿 They always kidnap the girl.
那倒未必 Not always.
- Mercedes - 跟我走 - Mercedes? - You're coming with me.
贱人 我才不跟你走 Bitch, please. I ain't going nowhere with you.
现在 Now.
爸爸 我该怎么办 Dad, what do I do?
你穿的是我的泳衣吗 Is that my bathing suit?
问一下能死啊 这是礼貌问题 Just ask. It's polite.
你打到我的脚了 You shot me in my foot! Wait!
走 快走 Move! Move faster now!
我要慢慢来 你居然打我的脚 I'm taking my time. Shit, you shot me in my goddamn foot.
Doug Doug Doug? Doug!
Maya Maya!
Mercedes带着我爸往那边走了 Mercedes just took my dad that way!
好的 交给我们 Okay, we're on it.
如果我死了 我要灭了你们俩个王八蛋 If I die, I'm gonna kill both of you motherfuckers!
该死 我们现在怎么追上他 Fuck. How are we gonna catch him now?
兰博基尼 Lambo.
- 警"查" 警"查" - 滚吧你 - Policia! Policia! - Fuck off.
我去 幽灵在那 Shit, there's ghost!
什么 我们要怎么办 What? What do we do?
我们要分开行动 Uh, we need to split up.
你一个人行吗 Are you okay with that?
行 我可以 Yeah, I can do it.
你确定 Are you sure?
车得让我开 因为你跑得比我快 I need to drive, 'cause you're faster on foot.
什么 我开不了兰博基尼了吗 What? I don't get to drive the lambo?
你开不了了 赶紧出发吧 No, you don't. Come on, let's go!
- 可是 我想 - 谁会在乎兰博基尼 快走吧 - But I want... - Who gives a shit about the lambo? Just go!
- 快把钥匙给我 - 我放不了手 - Let go of the fucking keys! - I can't let 'em go.
你要要拿好它 You're gonna have to take 'em.
对她好点 行吗 我保证超赞的 Take care of her, okay? It'll be glorious, I promise.
这车怎么开啊 How do you drive this thing?
你要让她驾驭你 伙计 You got to let her drive you, bro.
我进不去 I can't get in.
嘿 Hey!
你怎么开的车 Look where you're going!
完全搞不懂啊 It's so confusing!
慢点贱货 弄疼我的手了 Easy, bitch. My hands are hurting.
喔 Whoa!
你知道后面开车跟着我们的是谁吗 You know who's behind us in that car?
那是我们最好的车手之一 That's one of the best drivers that we got.
靠 Fuck!
哦 我操 Oh, shit.
真他妈复杂 这是什么 Fucking complicated. What is this?
我了个去 Holy shit!
你让我开不了兰博基尼了 你个混蛋 You fucked up me driving a lamborghini, you dick!
死滚 鸽子 Fuck you, doves!
波多黎各 墨西哥 让我们听听你们的尖叫 Puerto, Mexico, let's hear you get crazy!
感觉就像是蝙蝠车 It's like a Batmobile.
快点 Schmidt Come on, schmidt!
让老人家走一下 Old man coming through!
借过 借过 Excuse me, excuse me, excuse me.
Brad 春假来了 Brad! Spring break!
我不行 我有事 Look, I can't, all right?
兄弟 我要走了 我要走了 Dude, I got to go. I got to go.
到此为止吧 This is quite enough.
你放我走 别再插手这事 You need to let me go and drop all this.
快闪开 Get out of the way!
东京漂移 Tokyo drift!
这也太快 That was way too fast and pretty...
太激情了 Way too... A little bit too furious.
Schmidt 过来 我还戴着手铐呢 Schmidt! Get over here! I'm handcuffed!
放弃吧 混蛋 还有车停的不错 Give it up, asshole! And nice parking job!
靠 我马上回来 Fuck! I'll be right back.
我去追她 很快回来 抱歉 I gotta go. I'll be right back. Sorry.
这是命令 混小子 快过来 That's a direct order, motherfucker! Come over here!
你真是又老又弱 You are so old and weak!
放下枪 我说真的 Drop the fucking gun! Seriously!
把你的糙手拿开 Get your wrinkly hands off me!
你到底上哪了 Where the hell have you been?
在到处找你 Looking for you.
我像疯子一样一直在跑 I've been running like crazy!
嘿 嘿 Hey! Hey.
想像爷们一样对打吗 Want to fight like a man?
你最好能一个顶两 Then you better fight like two men.
嘿 嘿 Hey. Hey.
搞毛 又是双胞胎 Really? More twins?
起来 老家伙 Get up, old man river!
- 来啊 - 嘿 Come on! Hey.
来打我啊 你个娘炮 Get up and hit me, you fucking pussy!
我不会打女人的 停手吧 I'm not gonna fight a girl, so just stop!
那不是问题 It shouldn't matter.
只要你把我当做人而不是女人 If you thought of me as a person instead of a woman,
你打我打得舒心顺畅了 you would hit me and not feel bad about it.
- 好吧 - 还手啊 - Okay. - Bring it!
我准备好了 I'm ready.
现在开始了 狗崽子 It's on now, dawg.
女人的战争 Girl fight.
- 哦 哦 哦 - 哦 我的天啊 - Oh. Oh. - Oh, my God.
- 我眼睛有没有出血 - 天哪 你还好吗 - Is there blood in my eye? - Oh, my God. Are you all right?
我觉得我眼睛出血了 I think there's blood in my eye.
你他妈学着点 Fucking learn how to hit!
这才像样 That's a little better!
这才好点 他娘的 再来 再来 That's a little better, motherfucker! Come on! Come on!
- 不 不 - 干嘛 - No! No! - What?
- 你干嘛 - 我干嘛了 - What were you doing? - What am I doing?
你干嘛想要亲我 Why'd you try to kiss me?
我他妈才没想要亲你 I didn't fucking try and kiss you!
- 你就是 - 哦 你也太诡异了 - Yes, you did. - Ooh, you're so weird!
你他妈的要跟我上演史密斯夫妇 You're fucking Mr. And Mrs. Smith-ing me.
我才没要跟你演史密斯夫妇 I'm not Mr. And Mrs. Smith-ing you.
刚刚才不是性感打斗 This wasn't a sexy fight.
哦 说得好像你从来没有想过要亲我一样 Oh, like you haven't wanted to kiss me the whole time.
我从来都没想过要亲你 I never once wanted to kiss you!
从来都没有 没有 Never! No!
- 你又那么做了 - 打住 打住 - You just did it again! - Stop it! Stop!
你脸上的表情太撩人了 You're making a face that is sexy!
我从来没有想过要亲你 I don't even want to kiss you!
那就别费劲试了 Then stop trying!
是你一直在试 You keep trying!
我从没试着要亲你 I've never tried to kiss you.
你的眼神就是"快来亲我" You gave me "Kiss me" Eyes.
没 我没有 No, I didn't.
那眼神是"我刚被人揍脸了" The eyes were "I just got punched in the face" Eyes.
不是"快来亲我"的眼神 They weren't "Kiss me" Eyes.
我一点儿也不喜欢你 I don't even like you!
我也不喜欢你 所以亲我想都别想 Neither do I, so stop kissing me!
好的 Okay!
不 你又贴过来 No! You're leaning in again!
我不知道我们是要打架还是接吻 I didn't know if we were gonna punch or kiss!
你搞得现在很不爽快 You're making this so uncomfortable.
这是我打过最不爽的架了 This is the most uncomfortable fistfight I've ever been in.
我来支个招吧 我先给你脸上一拳 I'm gonna give you an out by punching you in the face.
- 好吗 - 好吧 - Okay? - Okay.
然后我们重新回到打架阶段 And then we're gonna go back to fighting
假装刚才什么都没发生过 and we'll pretend this never happened,
因为我觉得这太尴尬了 'cause I feel so awkward.
我想要看到你们的疯狂 I want to see you get crazy!
喔 Whoo!
我他妈的恨死春假了 I fucking hate spring break!
操 Fuck!
喔 Ow!
你开什么玩笑 那是塑料的 Are you kidding me? It's plastic.
- 一点儿也不疼 - 好 - Doesn't even hurt! - Okay...
这不是你想象中的春假吧 This isn't the spring break you imagined?
这个怎么样 你要不要来点好玩的 How about this? You want a little fun?
什么东西 What is that?
湿身吧 宝贝 Get wet, baby!
我脸上有好多润滑油 So much lube in my face!
哦 Oh.
满脸的润滑油 Lube on my face.
你太暴力了 You're so violent!
你要是不上我就给我滚下来 Get off me unless you're gonna fuck me!
我才不要上你 I'm not gonna fuck you!
- 我们要上床么 - 不 才不是 - Are we gonna fuck? - No, we're not!
这是在上床吗 Is that what's happening?
不 我才不想上你 No! I'm not gonna fuck you, ever!
下来 Get off!
嘿 Hey!
干啥 你要干啥 What? What are you gonna do?
用你长满黄褐斑的手掐死我吗 Choke me with your liver-spotted hands?
还是用你的助行器推到我 You gonna push me over with your Walker?
你能追上我很了不起 I'm impressed you caught up to me.
你大概很久没跑这么快过了 You probably haven't run that fast
上一次这样还是你在糖果店后面的操场上玩儿童棒球的时候 since you played stickball in the field behind old pop wiggleby's sweet shop.
- 不要动 贱货 - 哦 谢天谢地 - Freeze, bitch. - Oh, thank God.
看看谁从该死的皮带上解脱出来了 Look who got off the motherfucking leash.
- 现在谁是困境中的少女 - 靠 - Now who's the damsel in distress? - Fuck!
我猜是他了 Well, I guess it's him.
我没法一枪命中 Schmidt I don't have a clean shot, schmidt.
那就不要开枪 Then don't take the shot!
可能我就是想来一发 Maybe I want to take a dirty shot.
就像你对我女儿下手那样乱来一发 Kind of like the dirty shot you took on my daughter.
我没有对你女儿乱来一发 好吗 I didn't take a dirty shot on your daughter, okay?
我们无话不说 互相关心 We talked a lot, and we care about each other.
你身上所有的优点 All the good qualities you have,
我在Maya身上都感受到了 I can feel inside of Maya.
我要开枪了 I'm gonna take the shot.
不要开枪 Don't take the shot.
我可以直接射穿你的肩膀 I can shoot right through your shoulder,
正中这个贱货的胸部 hit the bitch right in the chest.
- 不要开枪 - 我就是要开枪 - Don't take the shot. - I'm taking the shot.
尼玛还是我来开枪吧 I'll take the fucking shot.
在我开枪之前谁都不准开枪 Nobody take the shot before me.
- 不如我们同时开枪 - 谁也不能开枪 - How about we take it at the same time? - No one take a shot.
等 等 等等 Wait, wait, wait, wait!
操 你有权利保持沉默 Shit! You have the right to remain silent...
不 不 不 我来处理这个 No, no, no, I got this.
你去抓幽灵 他在楼顶 You go handle the ghost. He's on the roof.
- 我马上去 - 交给我了 - I'm on it. - I got it.
- 你在看什么 - 喔 - What you looking at? - Oh!
手铐铐得不错 宝贝女儿 Good job on the cuffs, baby girl.
台阶还真他娘的多 So many fucking stairs.
- 是我 是我 - 靠 - It's me! It's me! - Shit.
你做到了 伙计 你抓到Mercedes了 You made it, dude. Did you get Mercedes?
是啊 完全靠我一个人 Yeah. All by myself.
真的 Really?
- 主要靠我一个人 - 好的 - Mainly by myself. - Okay.
还有伙计 你说的很对 那个兰博基尼 And, dude, you were right, that lambo...
我现在不想提那个 Just can't hear that right now.
那车逊毙了 一点儿不好 It's a shitty-made car. It's not good.
嘿 我们走吧 我们该走了 Hey, let's go. We got to go.
你还剩多少子弹 How many bullets you got left?
一个也没了 None.
那就装得像有子弹一样 Act like you have bullets, then.
我们该走了 We gotta go!
我们得等我女儿 We have to wait for pudding!
Jenko Jenko!
快走 快走 Go, go!
- 给你 拿着这个 - 好的 - Here, take this. - Okay.
我是想给你挡子弹的 I tried to take a bullet for you, man.
是啊 但是你没挡住 Yeah. But you didn't.
但是我试了 心意最重要 But I tried. It's the thought that matters.
不是 心意靠一边 No, it's not the thought that counts.
挡住子弹最重要 It's fucking taking the bullet.
掩护我 我要跑好长一段 Cover me. I'm gonna go long.
好的 Okay.
拜 拜 终结者 Bye-bye, Terminator!
嘿 从我的直升机上滚下去 Hey! Get off of my chopper!
你能把他晃下去么 Can you shake him off?
我来抓你了 你他娘的 I'm coming for you, motherfucker!
快点 直接前后摆动驾驶杆 Come on, just wiggle the stick back and forth!
他只有一只手抓着飞机了 He's only got one arm!
我用一只手就能打你的老二 I only need one arm to punch you in the dick.
把他晃下去 晃下去 Shake him off! Shake him off!
别像个娘儿们 Don't be a pussy!
我嘞个去 Holy shit!
我做到了 I did it!
我看起来超炫酷啊 I look so fucking badass!
哦 天啊 你飞起来了 Oh, my God, you flew!
太疯狂了 This is crazy!
你真的跳过来了 You made the leap, man!
你为啥要这么做 Why'd you do that?
因为你这么做了 'Cause you did it!
我不能留你一个人挂着 伙计 I couldn't leave you hanging, man!
你说什么傻话呢 我很好 我能行 What are you talking about? I was fine. I had it.
你没有 You weren't...
- 我抓到你了 - 我操 Shmidt - I got you! - Shit! Schmidt!
我抓到你了 I got you!
你救了我的命 You saved my life!
我刚刚意识到 I just realized something.
你没有拖我后腿 伙计 You don't hold me down, man.
你是助我一臂之力 You lift me up.
字面上和引申义都说得对 Literally and figuratively.
是 我就是这个意思 Yeah, I know. I meant both.
你也没有拖我后腿 伙计 You don't drag me down, either, man.
我是说 除现在以外 I mean, except right now.
你确实在拖我后腿 你太重了 You're dragging me down. You're really heavy.
嘿 听着 我短裤里有个手榴弹 Hey, listen, there's a grenade in my shorts.
你能够到么 Can you reach it?
你要伸到内裤里 You gotta go in from underneath.
哦 靠 Oh, shit!
- 是这个么 - 那是我的小弟弟 - Is that it? - That's my dick.
这又是什么 What about that?
这也是我的小弟弟 That's my dick also.
为什么硬了啊 Why is it hard?
我现在肾上腺素分泌太多了 I have so much adrenaline right now!
- 是这个么 - 你这是在挠痒痒 - Is that it? - You're tickling me.
我找不到 I can't find it!
就是这个 抓住它 That's it! Grab it!
好耶 Yes!
不 我用嘴搞定了 No, I got it in my mouth.
扔的时候说一句帅气的话 Say something cool when you throw it!
一 二 三 One, two, three!
帅气的话 Something cool!
他们掉下去了 They're gone!
我感觉太 Oh, I feel so...
哇哦 Whoo-hoo!
我们做到了 We did it!
伙计 靠 我 啊哦 Dude, fuck, I'm... ow!
哦 糟糕 抱歉 Oh! Shit, sorry.
伙计 我太想你了 Dude, I miss you so much, man.
我也想你 I miss you, too.
你就像是一颗小小的花种 You were like a tiny little flower seed
被我我紧紧握在手中 and I was clenching you in my fist.
但是 花儿在手掌里不能成长 But a flower, it can't grow in a fist.
种子需要四处传播 找到自己的土壤 A little seed needs to fly away free and find its soil.
是 我知道 我试着独自成长 但是我不喜欢 Yeah, I know. I tried to soil myself and, dude, I didn't like it.
我想要没有摩擦的关系 I wanted a relationship without friction.
伙计 有摩擦才能产生火花 Dude, you need friction to create fire.
这就是我们所拥有的 我们有火花 And that's what we have, we have fire.
哥们 我喜欢这样 非常喜欢 Dude, I'm in. I'm all in.
谢天谢地 Thank God.
这就是我一直想要的 只有你和我伙计 Dude, this is what I've always wanted. Just me and you, buddy.
我爱你 I love you.
我也是 我爱你 伙计 Me, too, man. I love you, man.
你知道么 You know what?
他们应该在一起 That's who he should be with, man.
啥 What?
嘿 你刚刚扔手榴弹的时候说了啥 Hey, what'd you say when you threw the grenade up there?
我说了一句"帅气的话" I said, "Something cool."
你说了什么 What did you say?
- 就是一句"帅气的话" - 不是 但是你说了什么 - It was "Something cool." - No, but what'd you say?
是 我知道 我说了"帅气的话" Yeah, I know. I said, "Something cool."
我没想到春假会这么没劲 I didn't expect spring break to be this stinky.
相当恶心 It's pretty gross.
我们太老受不了这些垃圾了 Man, we're getting too old for this shit.
我过了玩这些的年纪了 We started off too old for this shit.
你说得没错 You ain't lying about that.
伙计 对于胳膊中枪的事 Dude, we're even about the arm thing, okay? Right?
你想怎么补偿 What? What do you want to do?
- 别动 - 靠 行了 - Don't move. - Fuck. All right.
- 快搞完吧 好吗 - 别动 - Just get it over with, all right? - Don't move.
- 一 - 就擦过我的胳膊 - One... - Just graze my arm.
- 我不想你打到我的骨头 - 二 - I don't want you to hit the bone. ... -Two,
三 three.
- 靠 靠 - 我操 - Fuck! Fuck! - Shit!
- 我的天 你没事吧 - 我靠 - Oh, my God, are you all right? - Shit!
为什么 为什么我在你身边总是受伤 Why, man? Why am I always getting hurt around you?
- Jenko 你这是在干什么 - 我操 - Jenko, what are you doing? - Oh, fuck you.
- 去你妈的 Schmidt - 别闹了 - Fuck you, schmidt. - Stop dicking around.
- 嘿 队长 - 恭喜你们俩 - Hey, cap. - Congratulations, you two.
你们算是收拾完之前的烂摊子了 You managed to un-fuck up the situation you originally fucked up.
谢谢 Thanks.
我希望你没有上过我女儿 I wish you can un-fuck my daughter,
不过这事先翻页了 but I'm gonna let that be the past.
现在 你们下一个任务 Now, for your next mission,
你们俩混小子要去医学院 you two sons of bitches are going to medical school.
什么 What?
龙虎少年队3 再战医学院
先转头再咳嗽
这一次 出国做交换生 This time, foreign exchange students.
- 牛叉 - 耶 - Awesome. - Yes!
在俄罗斯 In Russia.
什么 What?
回见 Do svidanya.
伏特加苏打水 Vodka soda.
龙虎少年队4 再战俄罗斯
喝高了的布尔什维克君主
下一个任务 卧底海上一学期 Next assignment. A semester at sea.
龙虎少年队5 再战海上
船运到家
龙虎少年队6 再战艺校
你们俩混小子要去烹饪学校 You two sons of bitches are going to culinary school.
这个肉馅卷饼里有芯片 There's a microchip in this empanada.
传统家庭配方 Old family recipe.
最好还是让它继续保密吧 Best to keep it a secret.
哦 我操 Oh, shit!
少年龙虎队7 再战新东方
一锅乱炖
龙虎少年队8
再战兽医学院
家养动物 危险勿近
新任务 New assignment...
队长 你有没有觉得schmidt不一样了 Cap, does schmidt look any different to you?
影星Seth Rogen
没有 这就是Schmidt No. That's schmidt.
我不知道你在说些什么 I don't know what you're talking about, man.
他跟以前一模一样 He look exactly the same to me.
我戴了新眼镜 I got new glasses.
是啊 他就是戴了新眼镜 混蛋玩意 Yeah, man, he just got some new glasses, man. God damn.
没人会注意的 No one's gonna fucking notice.
我们开干吧 Schmidt Let's do this, schmidt.
好 就像以前一样 Jenkins Yeah. Just like we always do, Jenkins.
- 是Jenko - 抱歉 - It's jenko. - Sorry.
龙虎少年队9
再战神学院
Jenko和Schmidt化身为婊
我*
真的 真的很高兴你回来 Schmidt I'm really, really glad you're back, schmidt.
你在说什么 什么合同纠纷 What are you talking about? What contract dispute?
我一直都在这儿 I've been here the whole time.
他妈的给我闭嘴 Man, shut the fuck up.
飞行学院怎么样 How about a flight academy?
女星Anna Faris
龙虎少年队10
再战飞行学院
警察坐副驾
卧底工作就要变得火辣辣了 Undercover just got a whole lot sexier.
龙虎少年队11
再战忍者学院
兄弟第一 水管第二
龙虎少年队12 消防学院风云
水管一词有紧身裤的意思
你们是龙虎少年队 You're jump street, right?
你他妈怎么知道的 Yeah. How the fuck do you know that?
我是Booker I'm booker.
1987年电视剧版<龙虎少年队>中的警官Dennis Booker
哦 你真是个传奇人物 Oh, shit. Man, you're a legend.
长江后浪推前浪 前浪死在沙滩上
龙虎少年队14 幽灵归来
交通学院 Traffic school!
龙虎少年队15 再战交通学院
双行泊车 双人密探
军事学院 Military school.
龙虎少年队16 再战军校
大兵上火线(隐私电话粥)
潜水训练班 Scuba class.
龙虎少年队17 再战潜水学校
兄弟第一 宝藏第二
舞蹈学院 Dance academy.
好耶 Yes.
总算有一个让人惊喜的了 Finally something I'm amazing at.
龙虎少年队18 再战舞校
傻瓜式舞蹈
龙虎少年队
你们俩混小子要去电子游戏里去 You sons of bitches is gonna be in a video game.
让我们爆了这些东西 Let's blow shit up.
龙虎风格 Jump street style.
龙虎少年队
人物手办
各人物手办单独销售
时刻准备着狂拽炫酷叼炸天 Get ready for a lifetime of being badass motherfuckers.
它把墨汁吐我嘴里了 It's inking in my mouth!
别搞我女儿 Don't fuck my daughter.
系列动画
龙虎少年队19 再战电玩
本套装不包括电池
不要射 我的鸡鸡
好了 新任务 all right, new assignment.
化了六小时的妆吗 Six hours of makeup?
我们做这行太老了 We're getting too old for this shit.
不错 Nice.
龙虎少年队20 再战养老院
老派作风
龙虎少年队21 再战魔术学校
龙虎少年队22 再战美容学校
虎(胡)胆(染)龙(乱)威(吹)
龙虎少年队23 再战墨西哥学院
龙虎少年队2001
帅气的话 Something cool!
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Eric Eric.
Eric 你醒着的吗 Eric, are you awake?
没有 No.
我来迟了 I'm late.